The Search for Seth Cohen
by NaijaChiqa
Summary: RyanAnna. Seth runs off to Tahiti... includes all major characters. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is going to be just as realistic as the show. The POV changes with the chapters. I hope you enjoy it. There'll be around fifteen chapters.  
  
Pairing: Ryan/Anna. Appearances by most of the other characters.  
  
Summary: Seth sails to Tahiti on his 'boat.' His loved ones try to find him.  
  
Genre: Romance.  
  
Rating: P.G. 13  
  
-------------------  
  
Anna POV  
  
I hadn't taken my finger off the doorbell when someone hastily opened the door. I looked into my ex-boyfriend's mother's stricken face and felt tears sting my eyes - it was exactly like I'd imagined.   


  
  
Her son Seth, and I had taken to exchanging regular phone calls once every week since I'd returned to Pittsburgh. Therefore, like every other Thursday, I called him up to hear the latest gossip circulating the very posh Newport neighborhood.   
  
I tried my best not to panic after calling his cell phone three times in twenty minutes to no response so, to reassure myself that everything was kosher, I called his home phone.  
  
It had barely rung once when it was picked up.  
  
"Seth?" A female voice asked expectantly.   
  
"Ehm... no, this is Anna. Is this Mrs. Cohen?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh, hello. How are you doing?"  
  
"I'm fine. I have to go now, Anna. Take care," she said right before she hung up.  
  
At this point, I realized that something was off. Not only was Seth not answering his phone, it appeared that his mother couldn't find him -and she was very worried. Mrs. Cohen, like most mothers, was concerned about her child but from what I could tell, she wasn't one for paranoia, hence, I knew that something was definitely going on.  
  
Even though Seth's girlfriend and I had been friends during my brief stay in Newport, we hadn't really kept in touch, so I felt a little odd about calling her. Nevertheless, I did because I wanted to set my mind at ease that nothing terrible had happened to my dear friend. I dialed her number and after the third ring, she answered.  
  
"Hello?" I said into the receiver not knowing what to expect.  
  
"Hi... Anna?" she asked. She must have checked her caller-id.  
  
"Yeah, it's me. How's it going? It's been a while. Ho..."  
  
"Do, you know where he is?" she said cutting me off in mid-speech. Her voice was a little shaky and for the first time in my life, I imagined that tears were actually capable of falling from her eyes.   
  
"Who?"  
  
"Cohen! Seth Cohen! That's who. Who else would I be talking about?"  
  
"Calm down, Summer. How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm in Pittsburgh for chrissakes."  
  
"I know," she said, her tone lowering, "I know that you guys still talk and IM, so I was just wondering if he'd said something."  
  
"Summer, what's going on? I called his house but his mom pretty much hung up on me. And he's not answering his cell..."  
  
At this point, she broke down in tears. Mothers rushing me off the phone, hysterical girlfriends bawling, I was beginning to wonder if Seth had run off to join a cult, or even worse - the circus.  
  
"Just tell me what's going on," I softly implored.   
  
I didn't have to ask twice before she told me everything. She explained how Ryan's engaged ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his baby, how he'd then decided to return to his old neighborhood in Chino and that a devastated Seth had run off in his sailboat... which would have been fine, if I hadn't already seen Summer Breeze and recognized that it wasn't fit to sail anything larger that a Jacuzzi.  
  
"Do you know where he went?"  
  
"I... don't... know," she managed between sobs. At this point, she'd been crying so hard that I had to strain my ears to make out her words.  
  
"What exactly did he say in his note?" He'd left letters for her and his parents explaining his motives. But instead of reassuring them, they'd only served to frightened them even further. There's just something about a desperate person leaving notes that reeks of suicide.   
  
"Just that he loves me and that he'd be gone for the summer. But the whole summer? How am I supposed to survive worrying about him for so long!" I didn't quite know what to say to that so I kept my mouth shut. "Cohen is so dead," she declared in a much stronger voice. "I'm going to totally kill him for putting me through this! He's, like, completely ruining everything. But... but where is he?" she asked right before breaking down once again.   
  
She sounded so miserable that I wanted to reach through the phone and put my hands around her. I just wanted to reassure her that everything would be alright.  
  
Boys can be so dumb, I thought to myself. I always realized that Seth wasn't the most mature boy of his age, but even by his standards, this stunt was a bit much. I spent about twenty minutes consoling her, hoping that in a small way, I was making it easier for her to sleep at night. But the minute I said goodbye to her, I called a travel agency and bought a ticket for the Red Eye to John Wayne Airport.   
  
"Anna," Mrs. Cohen said, confusion written all over her face. "What are you doing here?" She tightened her bath robe around her before she stepped aside to let me in.  
  
Since I'd come directly from the airport, I wheeled my luggage in after me. "I came to help."  
  
She shook her head slowly, "what?"  
  
"I heard about what happened and I came to help."  
  
Tears welled up in her eyes and she put her hand over mouth. I reached over and hugged the broken woman - she'd become a shadow of her former self. The very confident career woman had turned into a whimpering mess. I knew that once found, I'd strangle her very selfish son for putting her through this.  
  
When we broke apart, she said, "Anna, you didn't have to do this. I'm sure you're needed back home."  
  
"Actually, I'm not; school's already out." I said cheerily, hoping that the appearance of optimism would brighten her mood a little. Unfortunately, it didn't.   
  
She nodded then turned around and walked down the corridor. I followed her into a living room occupied by her husband and Summer, speaking with two policemen and Ryan who was sitting at the other side of the room feeling sorry for himself - or so he appeared. I'd known they were close but till that moment, I hadn't realized how strong their bond really was. I waved at Summer, pasted a smile on my face, then walked up and plopped myself next to Ryan.   
  
"Hey," I said.  
  
He looked at me, his blue eyes betraying nothing but guilt and replied, "hey." 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the reviews.   
  
----  
  
Ryan POV  
  
"So what's up?" Anna asked, smiling broadly at me. Her cheerfulness would have been inappropriate in our little sea of gloom if I didn't notice that the optimism didn't reach her eyes. It was nice that she was trying to be strong for everyone but I didn't even understand why she was around in the first place.  
  
I shrugged. "I'm fine. Are you in town visiting your parents?"  
  
She shook her head as she pointed at her luggage. "I haven't been to see them yet. That reminds me, I need to call them to let them know I arrived safely," she said right before she reached into her bag and picked up a little silver-tinted cell phone. She got off the couch and walked to the kitchen.  
  
Once again I was left with my own thoughts. I buried my curiosity about Anna's visit and let my mind travel to the previous events.  
  
The cocks had barely begun crowing when my cell phone rang. I immediately knew it was someone from my recently abandoned life in Newport because other than Theresa -who was sleeping in the adjacent room- no one in Chino knew that number.   
  
Through half-shut eyes, I looked at the caller id and saw Summer's name blinking on it - that was all it took to wake me up. There had to be something wrong for her to be calling me as I was surprised she even knew the number.  
  
"What's going on?"   
  
"Ryan..." she started. She didn't even call me 'Chino.'  
  
I sat up and took a deep breath.  
  
"What, Summer?"  
  
"Seth's gone," she finished plainly.  
  
"To?"  
  
"I don't know! He's gone away. He's disappeared!"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Ryan, don't be a knucklehead. He's not here! He left after you did."  
  
My heart stopped right after the lump in my throat prevented me from speaking. I knew Seth was hurt that I was leaving. He didn't have to say it because it was oozing from his skin, particularly when he refused to say goodbye to me. But to disappear? I loved him better than my own brother but I thought he understood my moving to Chino was for the better good. But I guess the better good wasn't that great after all, if it caused him to run away.  
  
"Ryan, are you still there?"  
  
"Yes," I whispered. "I'm here. When did he leave?"  
  
"Yesterday, shortly after you did. His parents went to check up on him and he wasn't there then, they found some notes he'd left in the kitchen."  
  
"Notes? What did he say?"  
  
"What do you think he said?" Her voice quickly changed from one of sorrow to anger. "Why the hell did you leave? You know he really wanted you to stay. See what you did? Why, Ryan?"  
  
She'd spoken the words I'd refused to think: Ryan, it's your fault. It seemed like no matter what I did, I was to blame for everything. I tried to be a great son to my mother but regardless of what I did, I was a failure in her eyes and only caused her further pain. When her ex-boyfriend had beaten her up, I intervened which made him break up with her. Then my mother hated me. Any way you looked at it, I failed. When Marissa got into trouble in Tijuana and her mother wanted to send her to an institution, I helped her stay in Newport and see a psychiatrist, where she met the psycho Oliver. Again, I failed. When Theresa came to Newport seeking help, I wasn't there for her, she went back to her fiancé and got beat up. Once more, I failed. When Theresa and I needed comfort, we made love and she got pregnant. Another failure. And now that I went back to my roots, hoping to right some awful wrongs, I caused Seth to skip town. I'd done what I'm great at and failed again. And this time just might just have been tragic.   
  
"Did you say he left last night?" I asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So how come you are just calling now?"  
  
"His parents didn't want to tell you - they said you had bigger problems on your mind."  
  
That stung. Yes, things weren't easy but for them to think that Seth's disappearance wasn't a huge problem to me? It seemed that they'd misconstrued my departure for rejection and they were wrong - they were the only real family I'd ever known. So I knew I had to fix things and head back home.  
  
I explained everything to Theresa and she was very supportive. Even though she wanted me around, she knew I'd never be happy sitting around, doing nothing but worrying about my best friend. She wished me luck and sent her love.   
  
I'd arrived in Newport almost the way I'd left - in the same clothes, barely unpacked bag and the same solemn look. I'd taken the bus and walked the half mile to the house.  
  
Sandy would have made a perfect burglary target because till I tapped him that evening as he has on the porch, he wasn't aware that another person was only two inches away from him. He looked up and into my eyes and without a word, he got up and hugged me. And we stayed in the position for what felt like hours - he just wouldn't let go of me.  
  
Kirsten had cried when she saw me. But she wouldn't touch me - not till I forced her to. Then she too just wanted to keep her arms around me.   
  
It had been two days and things didn't look any better. The police had initially refused to do anything because it was under 48 hours but with the strings Sandy and Caleb pulled, they agreed to conduct a search 40 hours after his departure. Well, it wasn't really a search since Seth is almost an adult. What they did instead was alert the Coast Guards and Law Enforcement in the surrounding areas. Like that'll do much. I'd spend enough time with our so-called protectors to know that they didn't do anything if there was nothing in it for them. And I didn't see how Seth's safe return would benefit them - it's not like stingy Caleb would actually buy them a new wing or anything.  
  
A satisfied Anna walked back into the room and sat next to me. I noticed that her hair had grown a little longer since the last time I'd seen her. It probably shouldn't have been on my mind at the time, but I thought it brightened up her face.  
  
"Everything is squared up at home. They said I have to be in for dinner... which I guess is fine considering they paid for my ticket and all - they should at least see my face. Don't you think?" she said smiling and bobbing her head.  
  
I smiled solemnly. "Yes, they should. I guess all parents deserve that." I was watching Kirsten frantically clean an invisible spot on the coffee table.  
  
Anna followed my eyes then folded her arms. "This sucks. What the hell was Seth thinking?"  
  
"Do you know he barely spoke to me?" I said quietly.  
  
She looked at me curiously. "Really?"  
  
"Yes, I knew he was hurting, but I didn't have a choice - I had to leave."  
  
She put a reassuring hand on my knee. "Ryan, it's not your fault."  
  
"It isn't?" I said, looking at her kind eyes but disbelieving her words. Nice try, Anna.  
  
"No." She scanned the room, then settled her eyes on mine. "You know what we are going to have to do?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"We are going to have to find Seth Cohen." 


	3. Chapter 3

I still don't own the O.C.  
  
---  
  
Anna POV  
  
"When you say 'find Seth Cohen' what exactly do you mean?" Ryan asked with a raised brow.   
  
"How many ways can that be translated?" I replied.  
  
"Ehm..."   
  
"The problem is where to look. Where would he be? The planet is kinda huge... But we have no choice. We have to look for him and drag his retarded butt back here."  
  
"So how can we do this?" He still seemed confused but I could tell that he was warming up to the idea.  
  
I stood up and grabbed his arm, encouraging him to also get on his feet. He complied. Still holding him, I led him out of the living room.  
  
"We're going to look for him now?"  
  
I smirked but kept dragging him.  
  
"Anna, where are we going?"  
  
"To Seth's room?"  
  
"You still remem..."  
  
I turned around and shot him a look. "Of course I do, I was there enough times."  
  
He nodded, avoiding my eyes. "Yes..." he said, coloring slightly. I guess he felt bad for bringing that up. As if he could. That would be like ignoring an elephant dressed as a Vegas showgirl... I mean, really.  
  
"So, why exactly are we here?" he asked as I pushed open the door.  
  
"Well, Seth always talks about everything so I'm sure he must have mentioned something at some point. And he's bound to have left some clues about his whereabouts. All we need to do is look and I bet we can figure it out."  
  
"Well, we talked about sailing before he left and he mentioned Catalina Island and Tahiti."  
  
"Tahiti?"  
  
"Yeah... you've sailed there too, right?"  
  
I was a little surprised that he knew that. So I asked him.  
  
"Seth mentioned it a few times - I think he was really impressed by it."  
  
I was flattered. I'd forgotten I'd even told him about that trip. "You don't think he'd be dumb enough to sail all the way to Tahiti on his catarman do you? Ryan...? Ryan, did you hear...?"   
  
He didn't respond so I turned to look at what he was doing. He was standing by Seth's nightstand staring at something in his hand. I moved closer and noticed it was a map.  
  
"What's that?" I whispered. From the way he held it, I could tell it was somewhat significant.   
  
He didn't look up. "Oh, it's the map to Tahiti that Seth gave me last year. He dropped it here when I came to say goodbye and it looks like he didn't touch it."  
  
I don't know, but I was beginning to get a weird vibe from Ryan. It seemed like his relationship with Seth might have been a little different from what I'd assumed. Not that there's anything wrong with different or anything, but still, it was a little surprising. "Hey, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe he decided to sail to San Francisco or worse, Fire Island," I half-joked.  
  
"Ah-hun," he said, half-listening.   
  
"Ouch!" I yelped. Something sharp pricked me when I plunked on Seth's comforter.  
  
Ryan instinctively reached for me. "Are you okay?"  
  
With a scrunched face, I nodded and reached beneath me to pick the offending object. It was a plastic horse.  
  
"Shit! Seth left Captain Oats! This is worse than I thought."  
  
Ryan rolled his eyes then joined me on the bed. "Seth leaves his parents and his girlfriend, but you only think it's bad because he leaves his toy horse?" He reached for it and I handed it to him. We both watched as he played with it.   
  
"You know what I mean. Seth wouldn't leave him... I don't think."   
  
Ryan shrugged. "You might be right. It's just that I tend to tune him out when he starts talking about his relationships with inanimate objects. Captain Oats, Summer Breeze... "  
  
I laughed. "Yeah. He's a weird one, isn't he?"  
  
"He sure is. But you can't help but love him."  
  
I chuckled. You really couldn't.  
  
He dropped Captain Oats on the bed then faced me. "So, how exactly do we find him?"  
  
I shook my head and thought about it. I tried to look back at him but found it easier to look at the wall instead. For some reason, something about Ryan's eyes being trained directly on mine was doing something to my nerves. And I think my heart rate. But I am not sure though... perhaps it had nothing to do with him. It might just have been the combination of all the stress. I really didn't know what it was... all I knew was it felt weird.

"We don't know where he went..."  
  
"Yeah," he agreed.  
  
"But you think he might have gone to Tahiti or Catalina Island."   
  
He stretched his arms out and yawned. I guess he hadn't been able to get much sleep. From the looks of it, neither had anyone else. "It's a possibility. He went sailing and those are places he mentioned." He kept looking around the room as if he was searching for something.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Huh? Oh... just more clues. I wish we didn't have to play this guessing game."  
  
I smiled. "It's a good thing we are dealing with Seth here. Something tells me it'll be a lot harder to find clues about you."  
  
He mock-frowned. And his fake frowns are cute. But I wished he'd smile though... I couldn't remember ever seeing him smile. And at the moment, that was the second thing I wanted.   
  
The reading on the alarm clock next to Seth's bed snapped me back to reality - time was running out. "Well..." I said, getting back to the matter at hand. "If he went to Catalina Island, he should have been back by now."  
  
"Unless he decided to spend a few nights there," he pointed out.  
  
"Yes. Imagine Seth all alone in Catalina. I'm not even sure he'd have fun."  
  
"Trust me, he will," he said with a glint in his eye.  
  
"Really? Why do I feel like there's a story there? Anyway, that would be the best case scenario and that'll mean he's fine."   
  
"Yeah," he said without much gusto. He probably realized that was a little bit of a pipe dream. The least Seth would have done was call someone when he arrived on the Island. The fact we hadn't heard from him made us think he was still at sea. And the idea of Seth in the Pacific Ocean on that little boat was making me ill.   
  
"But if he went to Tahiti..."  
  
"Yes..." he said, his forehead wrinkled in worry. "It'll be great to catch up with him and put him on a safer boat," I said diplomatically. Of course I feared far worse, but I couldn't bear to vocalize them. Or see Ryan's expression when I did. "So you want to sail to Tahiti?"  
  
"Why not? I've done it before..."  
  
"To look for Seth?" he asked incredulously.  
  
I didn't seem that unreasonable to me. "To look for Seth? To go on vacation? Think of it anyway you like... I did come here to help and that might help."  
  
"But I can't sail."  
  
"That's why I'm going sailing and you're not."  
  
"I thought you said we were going to find Seth?"  
  
I was at a loss of words. If I was hearing correctly, it sounded like Ryan wanted to come sailing with me. Ryan and I, alone on the high seas for weeks - that wasn't something I'd anticipated.  
  
"Yes. I'll search the seas, while you search the land. It's all about divide and conquering, right?"  
  
"How do I search the land if he's gone sailing?"  
  
Good question. As I hadn't had time to come up with an error-proof argument, I tried my best.  
  
" You know... you can make sure everyone is here. And do what you were doing before I showed up."  
  
"But you did show up and you are going sailing."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Isn't it dangerous? Just you alone on such a long trip?"  
  
I found his concern cute but intrusive. "Dude, I've done this twice - it gives me a chance to think."  
  
"About...?"  
  
"About life."  
  
"Well it's going to be different this time."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"It's going to be different because I'm going to be there with you."  
  
----  
  
A/N: I'm sorry that it's a little slowly paced but that's the nature of the story. 


	4. Chapter 4

I own nothing. Not even a boat.  
  
A/N: Thanks for your reviews. Two new chapters for your reading pleasure. Apologies for any format issues. This stupid site has a mind of its own.   
  
------  
Ryan POV

Wealth really is something. I'd always known what not having money felt like but in my wildest dreams, I could never have imagined what having it would be like. Anna's boat was bigger than my family home in Chino! It had a huge bedroom, a shower and bath, a living room and a fully functional kitchen. What the fuck? I'd insisted on joining her for reasons including the image I had of her traveling alone on a boat similar to Seth's, but from the sturdiness I'd felt in the walls, it looked like it could survive a typhoon.   
  
She must have noticed the awe in my eyes because she said, "it's really not that great. It's average."  
  
"Average for a millionaire, maybe," I teased.  
  
But the joke seemed to go over her head. "Just a 50 foot..." She went into a detailed description of the boat.   
  
The technical speak might as well have been Greek. She was beginning to sound like Seth and not for the first time, I wondered why it didn't work out with them. I could already tell that if she had been sharing this moment with him and not me, there would have been a lot more excitement and jumping about the intricacies of boating. But I pushed that thought out of my head and said the only thing I could. "Whatever it is, it's pretty."  
  
She shrugged. "It'll get the job done," she said practically.  
  
Even though she'd been a little surprised that Seth had traveled in Summer Breeze, she hadn't really mentioned if 'it'll get the job done' and I wanted to ask. But I didn't dare. I was a little scared of the response. Sometimes, not knowing is best. So, I went back to mundane comments about the boat.  
  
"There's no way I could pay rent if I owned something like this."  
  
She smiled. "My Dad sometimes spends night here. But trust me, it gets old after a while."  
  
"Anyway," she said, pointing around the room. "As you can see, we have internet access, a GPS phone, a radio, plus I'll be taking my GSM mobile phone, so I'll have plenty of contact with the outside world... you really don't have to come with."  
  
"Anna, I am coming," I said firmly. I thought she understood it was not open to debate.  
  
"But why? You can't sail, so if we were in any trouble, I'd have to worry about myself and you. You're pretty much deadweight. If anything, you're a liability."  
  
"Anna, I can't let you go by yourself."  
  
"Why not? I've done it before and my parents -people who love me very much -let me do it. Why can't you?"  
  
"Because, those trips were different. You're not sailing under the same circumstances. This is not about leisure. You're going to be sailing faster, trying to catch up with Seth ... your mind is going to be flying in different directions, looking for Seth, trying to keep your boat afloat... and you'll be all alone in the ocean. Anna, it's not safe."  
  
"So what are you going to do? Protect me from pirates?" she smirked.  
  
I smiled. Her little act was actually funny. "Sure, if there are any."  
  
She said something under her breath, something I am glad I didn't hear and started to leave. I followed her up the steps and off the boat.  
  
It took me about a minute to catch up with her.  
  
"When do we leave?"  
  
She sent me an annoyed look and kept on walking. She was probably angry because I was the only person she couldn't convince. Kirsten and Sandy had originally objected to it, but when she claimed that she'd planned to make the trip anyway and believed that Seth would probably return before she was half-way into her trip, they agreed. The fact was, they really didn't have a choice. Her parents, who seemed to give her an inexplicable amount of freedom, didn't object so there was nothing the Cohens could do. She promised to call them daily with details of her 'non-search.'  
  
"When do we leave?" I repeated.  
  
"You do realize we are going to be at sea for about 37 days before we dock in Hawaii?"  
  
She was lying... From what I'd read on the internet, it would take us between 15-20 days to get there.   
  
"Sounds great. I've never been to Hawaii."  
  
She gritted her teeth. "You've never been at sea - you'll probably be sea sick. Just so you know, I am not a nurse."  
  
"I know," I replied. Although from what I'd learned about her in the last few days, seeing how nurturing and caring she was, I thought she'd make a terrific nurse. Then I started imagining her in a nurse's outfit, bending over me and taking my temperature. Then I remembered that I was glad the last nurse I'd met wore scrubs and not a tight little dress and the image disappeared. I felt a little dirty. I should not have been thinking about her like that at all but should I be blamed for my imagination?  
  
"... either. Ryan are you listening?" she wasn't even trying to hide her displeasure. The scowl was a little scary.   
  
I looked away from her. "Sure?" I missed her last excuse and was glad I didn't have to come up with a counter-argument.   
  
"I'm not going to take care of you or anything like that. You do realize that."  
  
"I never thought you would."  
  
She stopped and leaned on one foot. "We are going to need food."  
  
"I'll get some."  
  
She folded her arms. "I am talking about plenty of food and water to last us over a month."  
  
"I know."  
  
"And most of it is from cans. No take-out."  
  
"Anna, I grew up in Chino," I reminded her. She had to know I wasn't one of those spoilt Newport brats.  
  
She looked frustrated and started tapping her foot. "What in the world is that supposed to mean? You don't have Pizza Hut in Chino?"  
  
I had to stop myself from laughing - I didn't want to piss her off any more. I'd forgotten she was from Pittsburgh and was probably used to seeing the shocked looks on Newportan faces when she mentioned something as simple as an MP3 player. It seemed that they thought they were the only place on earth with any civilization. And it appeared I was becoming one of them.   
  
"Yes, we have Pizza Hut in Chino."  
  
"I'm saying, no stuffed crust pizza."  
  
"I don't like it anyway."  
  
The breeze got a little stronger so I had to put my hand on my forehead to prevent my hair from falling into my eyes. The wind was also blowing her hair in a million different directions but she didn't seem to care. I thought she looked a little like Medusa but I didn't think that it was the right time to mention that resemblance.  
  
"No smoothies, or soda or chips or any freshly cooked meals. I can't cook."  
  
"I'm an excellent cook." Well, not excellent, but I can warm a mean cup of soup.  
  
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Does this mean you're really coming?"  
  
"I'm really coming." I confirmed.  
  
She sighed. "See you here at 8am tomorrow morning. If you're not here by 8:01, I'm leaving."   
  
"O.K." She stared at me with an unreadable expression then walked off to her car.  
  
About two minutes later, I heard her call me.  
  
"Hey Ryan, need a ride home?"  
  
I nodded. 


	5. Chapter 5

I own nada.   
  
------  
  
Anna POV  
  
On a boat, you never know what kind of night you're going to have - it all depends on the currents. It had been a peaceful night but I had to get up to pee. I stepped off the couch and felt a warm body under my foot. I didn't need to look to know what was going on. Annoying Ryan was sleeping on the floor.   
  
Goodness gracious he could be so infuriating! He means well but for crying out loud... We had a king-sized bed and a couch. I offered to alternate sleeping on the bed and couch but he flat out refused. He used the excuse that he'd forced himself on the trip and that I was "uncomfortable enough as it is." I could bet that even if I was the one invading his privacy he wouldn't have done anything differently. I appreciate chivalry and all that great stuff but his brand was just plain ridiculous. Waking up four days in a row to see him sleeping uncomfortably on the couch wasn't being too kind to my conscience. So earlier in the evening, I did something about it.   
  
"Anna, what are you doing?" he asked, walking out of the steam-filled bathroom. I never realized how much I liked the smell of Irish Spring soap.  
  
"I'm lying down. What does it look like to you?"  
  
"You don't plan on sleeping there, do you?"  
  
"I sure do."  
  
"Anna..." he said, visibly displeased. I wasn't sure if his displeasure stemmed from my imminent discomfort or from the fact that I wasn't adhering to his wishes. Either way, I wasn't budging.   
  
"Don't 'Anna' me. You're not the only person that can be kind and accommodating you know? I'm sleeping here tonight so you have no choice but to sleep on the bed. I put some sheets on it if you feel inclined to change them."  
  
And that's how I ended up sleeping on the couch and the idiot sleeping on the floor. What a pain in the ass.  
  
-----  
  
I heard Ryan's footsteps as he climbed up to the deck. I was a wearing a bikini top and shorts and suddenly felt self-conscious. I didn't mind looking at my body but preferred if others didn't. I reached for the shirt that lay on one of the chairs.  
  
"Don't cover up on my account."   
  
Was he actually flirting with me? "I feel a chill..."  
  
"O.K."  
  
He handed me a cup of steaming coffee.   
  
"How did you know I needed one of these?"  
  
"The empty coffee pot. Coffee's not that hard to make, you know?"  
  
I rolled my eyes and sipped it -it was delicious. "This isn't instant."  
  
He laughed. He'd been doing that frequently. And by frequent, I mean about once a day. It seemed that when he didn't have the stress of his drama queen girlfriend or his pregnant ex, he could actually relax and just be a normal teenager. And it was a crime he didn't smile more often.  
  
"I know," he continued. " As I said, coffee isn't hard to make."  
  
"Then how come mine always tastes like shit?"  
  
The laugh made another appearance. "How about this? Let's make a deal."  
  
"What kind of deal?" I just didn't like the word 'deal.' For some reason it always reminded me of those Mafia movies where some poor sod was just setting himself up to get whacked. And this time he wouldn't have to drive to New Jersey to drown me in a river.  
  
"Don't look so scared. It's a simple, mutually beneficial deal."  
  
"Spit it out, Atwood."  
  
"I teach you to make coffee, and you teach me to sail."  
  
I was surprised - I didn't see that coming. "You really want to learn to sail?"  
  
"Of course. You did mention something about deadweight. This way, you won't have to worry about me if we got into a shaky situation."  
  
"Don't worry about it, I was just exaggerating."  
  
"I knew you were... like your claim about taking 35 days to get to Hawaii. But it doesn't mean that it won't be a good idea to learn."  
  
Aww... isn't he the little fact-checker? "Don't worry about it. It's usually on autopilot anyway. You can learn from a real instructor - I suck at giving directions."  
  
---  
  
I think because I was so adamant about coming on the journey on my own, Ryan tried not to be in the way. I understood the sentiment but I was actually glad that he came. Far more than I'd ever admit. I'd always thought he was cool but I enjoyed hanging out and talking to him in ways I would never have imagined. And it felt weird with him being Seth's close friend and all.   
  
Half of the sun was already hidden when I decided to go downstairs. The great thing about sailing is I always returned with a fabulous tan. I was still rubbing my arms and admiring my new golden color when I saw Ryan surfing the internet.  
  
"No porn, please," I joked.  
  
"Oh, you've got something against porn?" he asked coyly. "From what I heard, it's a healthy obsession for young men."  
  
"Dude, trust me. Putting porn and obsession in the same sentence is not a good thing."  
  
He chuckled. "Good point."  
  
I went to the kitchen and grabbed myself a glass of water.  
  
"Ryan, about the sleeping arrangements."  
  
"What about them?"   
  
"You can't sleep on the floor anymore."  
  
He stopped typing and gave me his full attention. "I wouldn't have to if you left my couch alone."  
  
"Your couch? Listen Ryan, you seem to love insisting on things but refuse to even compromise for me."  
  
He frowned then rubbed his hand over his head. I could already recognize that nervous gesture. Just like I hoped, I'd gotten his attention. I figured that if he was going to play Mr. Gallantry, I might as well use it against him. "What do you mean?"  
  
I sipped some water. It was a little lukewarm so I went back to the kitchen and got some ice cubes.  
  
"Anna, what do you mean?" he repeated.  
  
I walked back to the room. "Ryan, you insisted on coming with me."  
  
He shrugged. "Okay?"  
  
"All the time we've been here," I continued, "you haven't even let me wash a dish."  
  
"If I'm washing mine, it doesn't make sense to leave yours in the sink."  
  
"But you don't even let me get to the sink. You're already there before you stick the last morsel of food in our mouth."  
  
He grunted. "So what are you saying? You want me to stop washing your dishes?"  
  
"No. I'm saying that you're not a cabana boy, but my friend. Besides, that's not what I am talking about."  
  
"Then, what?"  
  
I took a deep breath and exhaled. It seemed like Ryan was trying to send me to an early grave. "Last night you left a perfectly wonderful bed to sleep on the floor. In what world does that even make sense? I bet your back is killing you."  
  
"I'm fine. But what is your point?"  
  
"My point is, I slept on that couch and it sucks. There's no way I am going to let you sleep on it for the entire trip. In fact, you can't sleep on it again."  
  
"I don't understand." He paused and squinted his eyes. "You can't mean that you want me to sleep on the floor?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "No dummy. You're going to have to share the bed with me."  
  
"Anna..."  
  
"Listen. It's a huge king-sized bed. It's far too big for me and it makes no sense for you to sleep uncomfortably when there's so much space there." That can't be too hard to understand.   
  
"I don't think that's a good idea."  
  
"Why? Are you going to jump me?"  
  
"Of course not," he said a little too quickly. Am I chopped liver? He could have at least thought about it a little.  
  
"And I'm not going to jump you. It'll be like we are siblings... but not of the 'Flowers in the Attic' variety."  
  
"Anna..."  
  
"No Ryan. No more excuses. This time I am going to have to insist otherwise, I am going to have to throw you overboard. And I'm sure the sharks are hungry. Capiche?"   
  
A/N: Capiche, carpanthers21, Capiche. 


	6. Chapter 6

I own nothing.  
  
A/N: Thanks for your reviews.   
  
----  
  
Ryan POV  
  
I woke up this morning with Anna's head on my shoulder. We'd been sharing the bed for four days but it was the first time she'd slept on me. And I didn't mind. In fact, I liked it. It had been a while since I'd hung out with a girl I felt comfortable with. A girl that I felt no pressure with. And it was... refreshing. I'd expected her to be panicked when she woke up and saw me staring down at her, but instead, she smiled and apologized for not being in control of her hands. It was cute. Of course, I didn't want to make things uncomfortable by urging her to keep her hands on me as much as she liked, as I thought it could be taken out of context and spoil everything.  
  
It's quite odd that even though I'd liked her while she was still in Newport, I hadn't really _noticed_ her. I thought she was cool but I didn't really know much about her. I think it's because she had that intense relationship with Seth and I had mine with Marissa. But here, alone, with nothing but nature around us, we really get along. And to think that in a few months she'd be back in Pittsburgh and I might never see her again. Is it odd that I've already begun to miss her?   
  
But the weirdest part about it was that other than the daily calls to Newport, we barely spoke about Seth. Which was odd considering he was the reason we were embarking on this trip in the first place.   
  
I'd spent most of the day trying to get in touch with Theresa. With all the technology, sometimes, we still had to dial about four or five times before the call went through. But that wasn't what was happening today. The phone kept ringing and going to voicemail and I was getting a little worried. Theoretically, she could just be out of the house, in fact, I was almost certain that was the case, but I still needed to be reassured by her voice.  
  
I decided to take a break after an hour of power dialing and when I walked back into the living room, I saw Anna flipping through channels.   
  
"Hey, did you get to speak with her?" she asked.  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Don't worry about it," she said dismissively. "I am positive it's nothing."  
  
I didn't respond. I sat next to her and looked at the television screen. Instead of just keeping it on a channel, she just kept surfing. I reached for the remote control but she held it away from me.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" she asked with mock severity.  
  
"I want to find something to watch."  
  
"And what does it look like I'm doing?"  
  
"Playing with it. Just hand it over," I ordered.  
  
"Hell no. You think I want to spend another afternoon watching European Soccer?"  
  
I laughed. "No. I'll find something we both want to watch." I lunged for it again but she scooted away.  
  
"Anna, you're hogging the clicker. Hand it over."  
  
"Nope. And leave it to me; I'll find something, okay?"  
  
We spent about ten minutes going through all the channels. Everything I wanted to watch, she was opposed to, and vice versa. We finally decided to leave it on a music video station.  
  
"Hey, Ryan, I was wondering. Do you speak French?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because that's what's spoken in Tahiti. If we are going to find that idiot, we're going to have to be able to communicate. I brought a little handbook with me, but it'll be helpful if one of us could speak it."  
  
"Hey, I'm from Chino," I said waving my hands.   
  
She groaned. "Not that again." She frowned.   
  
I grinned. I'd intentionally said it to piss her off.  
  
"What does that mean? That you speak French?"  
  
"No. It means that I am from Chino, not France, so I speak English."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Aren't you just so funny?"  
  
We kept watching and when U2 came on, I hummed along. She gave me a sidelong glance and noticed I was moving to the beat.  
  
She stood up and stretched her hand to me. "Alright, since I can see that you're itching to, let's dance."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
She reached down, picked my hand and pulled. "Come on, let's dance."  
  
"Ehm... no, Anna, I don't dance."  
  
"Dude, will you just get up? It's rude to reject a lady. Besides, I won't tell anyone you actually have fun," she said with a wink.  
  
I had no choice but to obey. I never actually knew if I could dance because I never really tried to. At parties, I just hung around and drank and if a girl danced with me, I just stood and let her do the work. It had worked for me for many years and I wasn't about to change.  
  
Anna on the other hand, was in her own world. I'd been a little frightened that it would be a repeat of the waltzing episode and was glad when she didn't hold on to me or anything. Instead of dancing with me, she was dancing around and _with_ the room. She reminded me of Madonna in one of her videos. She just kept shaking her head, jumping around, flapping her arms and just did her thing. It really was an amusing sight.   
  
"Hell no!" Anna was brought back to earth by a change in the song. "Britney Spears? Not in this lifetime." She reached for the remote and turned off the television. Then she walked to the stereo system and started looking through some of the CDs we'd brought along.  
  
I just stood there watching her. She glanced at me.  
  
"Ryan, please tell me you don't like her. Please, just say you don't."  
  
"Well, she's cute..."  
  
She shot me a chilling look.  
  
"But, I agree, her music sucks." She smiled. The truth was, I didn't care either way, but since it seemed a little important to her, I lied. Also, I wanted to avoid a lecture on why 'Britney Spears was the reason the world was in chaos.' I was still recovering from her lecture on Bill O'Reilly.   
  
She held up a CD. "Is Maroon 5 okay?"  
  
I nodded. I didn't recognize the band but I really didn't care. I just wanted to watch her do her dancing thing again.  
  
She put it on a slower song and came back to dance with me. But this time she actually decided to dance _with_ me. She pulled me out of the corner I was hiding in so that there'd be more space for us. She pulled her body close to mine and started to move against me.  
  
"Come on, Ryan, you can move," she urged when she noticed I wasn't.  
  
She held my arms and flung them around like one would do when dancing with a little child.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Dude, dance!"  
  
And slowly and surely, I got into the beat and danced with her.  
  
We were still dancing when she suddenly fell on me. I instinctively caught her and managed to stay on my feet so that neither of us fell flat on the floor.  
  
When she regained her composure, obviously embarrassed, she said, "I'm so sorry. That's what we get for dancing on the boat -a wave must have pushed it a little."  
  
Except I didn't feel the boat move. Not even a little.   
  
-------  
  
Anna POV  
  
After my little stunt, I was kind of embarrassed. I really don't know what I expected him to do but even for a moment, it felt nice to be held by him. That can't be good. After about five minutes of dancing, when I felt that it wouldn't be obvious that I was leaving out of sheer humiliation, I walked up to the deck to "check for Seth." I knew my binoculars were powerful but I didn't exactly expect to see anything in the dark.  
  
When I felt it was appropriate, I walked back in. I heard him speaking to someone I presumed was Theresa.  
  
"... yeah, I was just making sure you're fine...."  
  
Pause.  
  
" Yes, I knew you would be, but I needed to hear your voice..."  
  
Pause  
  
He chuckled. "I'll try my best, don't worry about it."  
  
Long Pause. "Yes, me too. Bye."  
  
I wondered if the last sentence was a response to a declaration of love. But I really wished it wasn't even though I had no right to, as she might have been carrying his child, but it was just a wish - I didn't really expect it to come true.  
  
I walked into the room and sat next to him on the bed.  
  
"Everything's fine?" I asked optimistically.   
  
He nodded, looking through a little bag he'd brought with him . "Yes."  
  
"See, I told you it would. Looking for something?" I asked curiously.  
  
He looked up at me then shook his head. "Oh, don't worry about."  
  
I figured that whatever it was had to do with the conversation he'd just had. He pulled out a pen, wrote something on a nearby piece of paper then put them both in his bag.   
  
"Everything is fine with Theresa?"  
  
"Yeah, she's cool."  
  
"Wow, it must hard to be pregnant," I said. We'd never actually spoken in detail about the entire thing and I was as curious as hell. I could imagine what he was feeling but I just wanted to know.  
  
He shrugged. "I'll never know, but she seems to be handling it well."  
  
"And what about you and Marissa? How does this affect your relationship? I noticed you've only called her once."  
  
"Yeah?" He suddenly looked like he needed to get the hell away. "Hey, Anna, how about we talk about this some other time, I... I have to do something," he said right before he walked out of the room.  
  
I guess it just wasn't the right time to discuss it. 


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own The O.C

A/N: Thanks for the reviews.

----------

It's funny how you never know how much you like something till you try it. I guess it's logical but sometimes you can feel that you'll like something even before you try it. That was what it was like for me and soccer. When I saw the other neighborhood kids playing it on the sand, in it's rawest form, I knew I'd enjoy it. Kids of different ages, running and kicking, fighting, with no time outs, to get that one ball between those two sticks. It was never like that with football or even basketball. They just didn't seem to have _it_. Which was the same idea I had about sailing till I tried it. Not that I can actually sail. But I love sitting in the boat and hearing the waves crash against the bottom of it. Or the smell of the ocean as the wind collides with my nose. Plus the air feels much lighter and crisper at sea. And even the chaos, the violent tides, makes sense. It is just great. Plus I like watching Anna steer the wheel.  
  
I picked up the binoculars and searched for Seth's boat. It had been ten days and we still hadn't caught a glimpse of him. I was a little worried because I expected Anna's boat to run much faster and make-up for lost time, but there was also the possibility that he'd taken a different route.   
  
As usual, after spotting nothing, I directed the binoculars to the sky and watched the birds. The guys back home would never believe that Ryan Atwood enjoyed watching the little flying animals. I loved watching how free they seemed, flapping their wings in the wind, traveling in packs, moving from destination to destination, never staying in one spot for long.  
  
I'd googled it and learned that even though they traveled a lot, they always went back to certain locations every year. As free as they seemed, they still had a place they called home. I especially loved that about them.   
  
As I watched a bird I'd learned was a Pacific Swallow, I noticed something hop in front of my screen. I looked closer and saw it hop again. It was a dolphin! I'd sometimes imagined that seeing dolphins at Sea World would be a nice way to waste an afternoon, but seeing one in its habitat was stunning. It was like a jolt reminding me how insignificant my life was in the larger scheme of things, and I found it comforting but disconcerting.   
  
Then I remembered that Anna was missing the show and ran down to get her. I called out her name as I ran down the steps.  
  
She was sitting by the computer, writing something on a pad.  
  
"Hey, Anna, guess what? I just saw a dophin!"  
  
She grinned widely. "For real?"  
  
"Yeah," I beckoned, "come now, you might miss it."  
  
She sent me an understanding smile. "First time, huh?"  
  
"Yes." But she didn't budge from her seat. " Come on... why aren't you coming?"  
  
"I'm scared that if I leave, I'll lose my train of thought and have to start all over again." She waved me away, "Go back and look at the dolphin. Who knows? There might be two of them."  
  
Suddenly, what Anna was writing seemed more interesting than some swimming mammals.  
  
"Your train of thought?"  
  
She grimaced. "Yeah, I have to do some calculus."  
  
"Calculus?" Who did calculus for kicks?   
  
"Yes. My final."  
  
"What?"  
  
She put down her pen and folded her arms across her chest. "I see that you are determined to interrupt me today, Ryan Atwood. Yes, my final. I left before I could take my calculus exam so the professor emailed it to me," she explained.  
  
"Wow? Isn't he scared you're going to cheat?"   
  
"It was an open book exam anyway and I don't think it's the same one he gave them. Besides, I had an A average so he knew I wasn't leaving to avoid his exam… plus my parents explained that it was something I couldn't get out of."  
  
"I see." I walked to her and peered over her shoulder at her work.   
  
"Differential equations?"  
  
"Yep. AP math."  
  
I became aware that my hands on the top of the chair were also touching her shoulders. It's a move I would have done to Seth if he'd been sitting there instead but I was suddenly self conscious. Plus her shampoo smelled a little fruity. However, she didn't seem to notice so I left them there.  
  
"Yeah, I know… I could help you if you wanted...," I said, straightening my back.   
  
She raised her brow. "You want to help me cheat…?"   
  
"Nope, I'm just telling you that I am great at solving differential equations and my services are available to you." I winced. 'My services' sounded a little wrong.   
  
"Oh, Ryan, could you brag a little more?"  
  
I laughed. "Hey, I'm just telling you that I'm good."  
  
"Well, not at everything. I can sail and you can't," she said, playfully sticking her tongue out at me.  
  
I nodded. "Oh, I see. You're going to hold that over my head for this entire trip."  
  
"Yep. As long as you remember who the boss is," she said looking up at me.   
  
"But, I can make coffee and you can't. So there."  
  
"That's why God invented Starbucks."  
  
I looked around the room. "Anna dear, point me to the nearest Starbucks."  
  
She looked around and scrunched her nose. "Whatever!" she shouted and we both laughed.  
  
Still laughing she added, "See, you've succeeded in making me lose my train of thought. And… no, I don't need your help. Anyway, I need to finish this and type it all up by tomorrow. So if you don't mind…"  
  
I can tell when I am not wanted so I went back up to enjoy the sun.  
  
I woke up about four hours later and went back in. Anna was watching something in Spanish.   
  
"Enjoy your nap?" she asked.  
  
I nodded and sat next to her. "What are you watching?" I asked.  
  
"_The Valley_."  
  
"I didn't think you'd watch that show –in Spanish no less?"  
  
"One of us has to be able to communicate with the locals when we get to Tahiti."  
  
"But, don't they speak French?."  
  
She rolled her eyes and looked at me like I was stupid. "Spanish and French are romance languages so it'll be easier to learn French." She must have known that that was a bit of stretch.   
  
"English and German are from the same language group but that doesn't make me fluent in German," I pointed out.  
  
"Shut up and kiss my ass. Shoot me because I'm such an addict that I am watching a re-run in Spanish."  
  
I laughed and told her about the time I met the cast. She was impressed as I'd hoped she would. Seeing her eyes expand and hearing her laughter explode as I recounted the story made that entire experience seem worth it.   
  
"So… Anna, you missed an exam for Seth?" I asked as she got off the couch. She straightened her shorts then headed for the fridge. That question had nagged me for a few hours. It almost seemed like she dropped everything she was doing for Seth's sake and I need to know what that was all about.  
  
"Of course," she replied as if it was the most reasonable thing anyone could do.   
  
"Why?"  
  
She opened it and reached for a bottle of water. "Do you want something?" she asked.   
  
I shook my head and repeated my question.  
  
"Because he was in danger. And I don't like seeing my friends in danger."  
  
"But you guys aren't together any more."  
  
She took a swig then came back and sat on the chair opposite mine. "So what? It doesn't mean I don't care for him."  
  
Care for him? Is that all?   
  
"Speaking of care. You and Seth…" she asked, pursing her lips and looking slightly nervous.   
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You were friends, right?" She put the bottle next to her foot. I eyed it, making sure the lid was tight. I really wasn't in the mood to clean up spills.   
  
"Ryan, are you listening?"   
  
I looked back at her. "Yes, I am. And yes, Seth and I are friends," I corrected.  
  
"Yes, I'm sorry," she said, emphasizing with her hands. " Of course, I mean 'are.' But what do you mean by 'friends?' Like in _Friends_ or in _Will and Grace_?"  
  
I burst into a fit of hysterics. I'd wondered if she'd find the guts to ask me that question. I'd already suspected her brain had been going in overdrive when she first showed up in Newport.   
  
"Anna, what are you talking about?"  
  
"It's just that Seth ran all the way to God-knows-where because you were moving an hour away. It seems to be a bit much."  
  
I slouched into the couch and got more comfortable. "He chased after you," I reminded her.  
  
"I know, but that was out of guilt and we actually dated. Seth and I kissed and stuff… you and Seth, did you…?"  
  
"Did we what?"  
  
She put her right hand on her forehead. "I mean, were you like _Friends_ or _Will and Grace_?" she asked expectantly.   
  
"I take it Seth's Grace."  
  
"Ryan, you know what I'm asking… are you guys like _Queer as Folk_, _Queer Eye for the Straight guy_?"  
  
"That silly show? Do you really need someone to show you how to change a cabinet?" I said, stalling.   
  
She stomped her foot. "You're getting off point, here!" she shrieked.   
  
"Sorry, what was your question?"  
  
She sighed. "You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?"  
  
"What?" I said hoping my eyes portrayed the wide-eyed innocence I'd ordered it to.  
  
"Are you and Seth more than friends?"  
  
"You could say that… anyway, I need to go and make us some dinner. I was thinking of some pasta. Is that fine with you?"  
  
She nodded, looking very confused. "Sure."


	8. Chapter 8

I don't own the O.C and thanks for your reviews.  
  
---------------  
  
Am I nuts or is Ryan freaking annoying? I didn't think he was gay, but it wasn't something I could be sure of -it's not like I expected him to wear a stamp on his head or anything. He'd dated or was dating Marissa (I wasn't sure which), he'd impregnated Theresa and after spending time with him, he seemed to be a little bit attracted to me, or at least aware that I had breasts. But these are things some gay men have been known to do.  
  
And what's up with "you could say that?" We both knew what I was talking about so I didn't think it would have hurt him to be a little more forthcoming.  
  
After leaving me with that dangling thought, he went into the kitchen, took out ingredients from our little pantry, pulled out the mince meat from the fridge and started working his magic.  
  
"Do you need help?" I asked out of courtesy. I really just wanted to sit down and let the new information sink in.  
  
"Sure. Mind chopping the onions?"  
  
If looks could kill… I got up and grabbed the vegetable he was holding out to me. We worked in silence till he started humming. Ryan was humming? In the months I lived in Newport, I never saw him listening to music talk less of actually singing. Just a few days earlier, I had to practically force him to dance with me. But all of he sudden, he's Pavarotti. It was apparent that he was enjoying my discomfort a little too much. I'll be fine with who he is either way, but did he have to be so coy about it?  
  
Forty minutes later, we were digging into our meals. It was amazing what he could do with a pack of pasta and a can of pasta sauce. Pasta was his specialty. His potatoes were either over- or undercooked and he seemed to hate salt on his chicken but his pasta was almost sinful. As was his breakfast. That got me into wondering if his culinary skills were a further indication of who he was. As I was pondering this, he said, "By the way, about what I said earlier...,"  
  
"Yes?" I replied, hanging on his word.   
  
"By 'more than friends' I meant that we are like brothers."  
  
"Oh," I replied. I think the sigh of relief I let out was a little loud. At least, that would explain the amused glance he sent my way.   
  
"In fact," he continued, a devilish look overtaking his face, "I happen to have a thing for cute blondes."  
  
At this point, I noticed that some red sauce was stuck to the side of his mouth.   
  
He put his hand on his lips. "What?"  
  
I tapped the corner of my own mouth. "You've got something there."  
  
He picked up a napkin and tried to wipe it off but he kept rubbing the wrong area.  
  
I giggled. "Dude, a little to the left," I said directing him. Either he was stupid or he didn't understand my directions because he just couldn't seem to touch the right spot.  
  
"Don't worry," I said. "I'll get it for you."  
  
I dipped my finger in my glass to wet it then rubbed it slowly on the offending particle. Except that, even though I knew I was rubbing it quickly, it seemed to go in slow motion. Of course, my finger touched his lips and of course, I noticed how soft they were and how plump they looked and how stupid I was for even thinking that about someone who was about to be a father.   
  
I took my finger away and smiled.   
  
"Alright, you can dry it now," I informed him.   
  
I was still remembering what his lips felt like on my fingertips when he said, "Anna, did you hear what I said?"  
  
I shook my head. "No, what did you say?"  
  
"I said that I happen to have a thing for cute blondes."  
  
He could say that again. "Yeah. Although it seems you like brunettes as well."  
  
"Sorry?" he asked, looking genuinely confused.  
  
"Marissa is blonde, Theresa's a brunette."  
  
"Oh," he replied, frowning disappointedly.   
  
"I won't talk about that if you don't want to." I didn't want to pressure him but I knew that sometimes, talking to someone helped one understand things better. Or at least release some stress. Plus, I wanted to know.  
  
"It's okay Anna, I'm fine. Go ahead."  
  
"I was just wondering how this whole thing happened. One minute you're with Marissa, the next you're with Theresa and now she's pregnant. When did all this happen?"  
  
"Around the time you left."   
  
I nodded, remembering the time he introduced us at Seth's place. "But you'd just broken up with Marissa."  
  
He shrugged. "And?" he said nonchalantly.   
  
I sniffed. "Wow, you work quickly... Guys..."  
  
I pulled back my chair and got up. I picked up my plate and glass and reached for his. He held on to his plate and didn't release it till I sent him a warning look.  
  
"I'll clear up the table," he announced.   
  
Hey, if that made him feel better. All he had to clear up were the salt and pepper shakers.   
  
I put the dishes in the sink and started washing them. He put the seasonings in the pantry and leaned against it.  
  
"You were saying something about guys?"  
  
"Yeah. It must suck being a man. You can't even go a few days without having sex."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Do I have to spell it out? Shortly after you broke up with Marissa, you were already sleeping with Theresa."  
  
He looked across the floor. "So what? Marissa and I never had sex."  
  
"What?" I was so shocked that I almost dropped the dish.   
  
"You heard me."  
  
"Really? I guess Marissa was holding out, huh?"  
  
"Not really…" he said but I didn't let the words sink in. I was trying to get over the fact that the passionate relationship I'd always imagined, wasn't that passionate after all.   
  
"Damn," I said aloud to myself, "That even makes it worse."  
  
"How so?"  
  
I looked at him. "Marissa wouldn't give it up so the minute she's out of the picture, you jump into bed with another woman…" His jaw clenched and I think his nose flared. "I'm sorry about how that came out. I didn't mean to sound judgmental."  
  
"It's alright. I want you to be able to say whatever you feel, even if you're wrong."  
  
I rinsed the last dish, walked back to the couch and stretched my legs on the coffee table. He followed me and sat across from me.  
  
"Anna, should you be putting your shoes on the table?"  
  
I groaned. He could be such a mommy. "Dude, if you don't like it, you can take them off."  
  
And in a swift and unforeseen motion, he untied my laces and proceeded to do just that. I must have turned red the minute his warm hands touched my cold legs. He probably didn't realize it but even though he was holding on to my ankle, he softly grazed the sole of my foot when he removed the sneaker. And it sent a tingle up me. Or maybe it was a tickle. I really couldn't tell but there was definitely a sensation.   
  
He was taking the shoe off the second foot when he said, "continue with what you were saying...?"  
  
"Yeah. About you and your women." I had to wait for his hands to get off my feet before I could regain my senses. For once, I should have just done as I was told and taken my damn feet off the table.   
  
"You didn't have sex the minute you were able to get out of your sexless relationship?"  
  
"You're making it sound worse than it was."  
  
"Yeah?" I said skeptically.   
  
"Yes. I didn't sleep with Theresa because I was dying to have sex or anything. Trust me, I've had plenty so it's hardly a big deal," he stated.   
  
I laughed. "Go on, playa," I teased.  
  
"I'm serious. Me and Marissa's relationship wasn't like that. It was about love and not sex."  
  
"So you mean to tell me that you've had enough sex by seventeen that it's no longer a big deal?"  
  
He nodded vehemently. "Yes."  
  
I chuckled. "Tell me another lie."  
  
He smiled. "I'm serious."  
  
"I don't believe you. When did you lose your virginity?" I asked, as he got off his couch and sat next to me.  
  
"Scoot, I want to stretch out a bit," he said.   
  
I made some space so that he could rest his head at the other end.  
  
"Answer me. When did you lose your virginity?"  
  
He looked up at me. "Are we seriously having this conversation?"  
  
"Yep. Now, answer me."  
  
He thought about it for a moment. "When I was twelve."  
  
"What the hell? Twelve? That is so nasty!"  
  
"It was a week before my thirteenth birthday," he said sincerely.   
  
I laughed even harder. "Is that supposed to make it any better? Why the hell were you having sex at twelve?"  
  
"Trey and my mother seemed to love it so much that I had to try it."  
  
I stopped laughing. It was a rare glimpse into his past. He never really spoke about it to me but from what I'd heard from Seth, he didn't have it easy as a kid. He must have noticed the change in my demeanor because he smiled sadly. I decided to return to the matter at hand.  
  
I looked at him with mock disappointment. "I never took you for the kind to follow the pack - do things because others were doing it."  
  
"Permit a twelve year old to be immature."  
  
I shook my head in disbelief. "Wow. Twelve."  
  
"When did you lose yours?"  
  
"None of your business, dude."  
  
He wagged his finger. "No. No… I am not letting you get off that easy, you started it."  
  
I lifted my hands in surrender. "Alright, you got me -I'm a virgin."  
  
"Seriously?" he looked a little surprised. "That's good."  
  
"Why is it good?"  
  
He chuckled. "I don't know - I just didn't know what else to say."  
  
"Well, if you must know, I was a virgin till I was fifteen."  
  
"See? Yours isn't that much better," he dismissed with his eyes. It was amazing that he could convey something that would take me fifteen pages to express, in one seemingly effortless look.   
  
"Dude, fifteen is better than twelve. I was already a teenager," I pointed out.   
  
"It's still illegal and some might say, sick"  
  
"So what? In England, it's legal at sixteen. Are you going to call them sick?"  
  
He folded his arms across his chest. "What difference does that make? Fifteen is not sixteen."  
  
"Whatever. And in some countries you can get married at fifteen."  
  
"And in some, you can get married at twelve."  
  
"You suck!" I playfully hit the side of his belly.  
  
He chuckled, then shifted his weight on the couch.   
  
"But you're really disgusting for having sex at that age," I continued.  
  
"And so are you."  
  
We paused before we looked at one another and burst out laughing.   
  
-----  
  
A/N: I find it hilarious that some of you thought it was becoming a Seth/Ryan. I didn't even realize it was a twist - it was just Ryan teasing Anna. Don't worry, this is just a simple story of two people falling for one another. No threesomes allowed... I think. And don't worry, there'll be some kissy face in the not-too-distant future.


	9. Chapter 9

I do not own the OC.  
  
Thanks for reading and reviewing.   
  
--------------   
  
"I'm not kidding," I said into the phone receiver.  
  
"I know," she replied. Her voice sounded tired.  
  
"Do you promise you are going to use it?"  
  
"I do. Now, get off this phone - this call must be costing you a fortune," she said, rushing me off.   
  
"Alright, Theresa, make sure you take care of yourself... I'll call you tomorrow," I said then hung up.  
  
Things weren't looking great. Prior to our conversation, I'd called my bank and learned that my account was exactly as I'd left it. The Cohens didn't give me a reason to spend my own money, and as I had no need for new clothes or any gadgets, I'd saved quite a bit over the year.   
  
I'd specifically gone to Chino to help Theresa out with the pregnancy and by taking the trip to find Seth, I almost felt like I was shirking my responsibilities. That's why I gave Theresa access to my bank account. I'd even gone as far as filling out the paperwork to convert it into a joint account. I figured that even though I wasn't going to be with her physically, I could still provide her with financial support. But according to Bank of America, it was exactly as I'd left it : it still had $4,781.51 was still under one name. And that just pissed me off. I just couldn't find a way of feeling good about Theresa carrying a child that was possibly mine without any help from me; it just felt wrong. Not for the first time, I wished I'd stayed in Chino to keep an eye on her, but there was no way I was going to let Anna travel alone.  
  
I reached into my bag, grabbed my packet of cigarettes and pulled one out. Everyone thought I'd quit but I had the occasional puff whenever I felt stressed. I was averaging about one a week. I walked up to the deck and saw Anna steering the wheel. She looked like she didn't have a care in the world and for a moment, I envied that.  
  
The only way I could describe our relationship was _unexpected_. It was almost like I was a different person in the Pacific Ocean. I wasn't Ryan of Chino, who tried to keep things in order and avoid cops at the same time, or Ryan of Newport who had to adjust to living with strangers who just wanted to help me. I was just _Ryan_. And it felt foreign. Foreign but nice. She didn't bother masking her anger when I annoyed her, she didn't intrude when she noticed I needed some alone time and she didn't ask anything of me. And I liked that. I didn't feel there was any way I could disappoint her because she didn't expect anything. Plus she seemed to be able to enjoy life and not second-guess herself. She wanted to move back to Pittsburgh so she did. She wanted to fly down to Newport so she did. I don't know, I just think that's cool.   
  
I woke up in the morning to find her in my arms. Except, she wasn't actually in my arms till I put them around her. Then she snuggled up against me and kind of in the natural progression of things, I kissed her forehead. I probably shouldn't have but it just seemed like the right thing to do.  
  
She must have heard my footsteps because she turned around and smiled. However, her expression changed when she spotted the cigarette in my hand.  
  
"What? You don't want me smoking?" I asked.  
  
She shrugged and shook her head. "Did I say anything?"   
  
"No... but the look on your face..."  
  
"Ryan, do what you want. If you want to shorten your lifespan, who am I to say anything?"  
  
I sat down on a chair and put the cigarette between my lips. I could see that she was looking at me from the corner of her eye but I lit it anyway. I dragged the smoke in deeply and when it was time, slowly let it through my nostrils. It was exactly what I needed. Too bad it could also kill me. I took two more puffs before I chose to give in to the guilt I felt about smoking around her. There was no ashtray so I threw the burning cigarette into the ocean.  
  
"I guess there are no boundaries for you. You pollute both air and sea," she commented without looking at me.  
  
I laid my head on the table and remarked, "What I would do for some beer..."  
  
"Oh, you're an alcoholic too?"  
  
"Anna..." She'd started to get on my nerves. I had so many things on my mind and just wasn't in the mood to be subjected to her judgments -I just didn't need it.   
  
She didn't say anything. Instead, she just kept steering the boat. We remained in silence for a while before she asked, "Ryan, is everything alright?"  
  
"Yes," I replied, my head still bent.   
  
"Cool. Do you still want that beer?"  
  
My ears perked up. "We have beer?" I said, turning to look at her.   
  
She laughed lightly. "Not exactly, but my father keeps a well stocked mini bar. Give me a minute to set this to autopilot," she said reading something off a computer screen, "and I'll show you."   
  
-------  
  
"So he came up, right, and then everyone was like, oh my God, that totally stinks and then... and then, he like just started crying except he was laughing," she was saying an hour later.  
  
Drunk Anna was amusing in a sad way. I was a little buzzed but not so that I also found her awful stories the least bit entertaining.   
  
She'd started off making mixed drinks, most of them consisting of Kool Aid, because it was the only thing we could bring with us, but after a while, we just drank vodka with ice.   
  
"So, isn't that the funniest story you've ever heard?" she asked right before she took another gulp.  
  
I laughed and shook my head. "No, actually that one pretty much sucks."  
  
She frowned. "Yeah? Then let's see you tell a funny one then."  
  
"See? The difference is, I know I'm not funny, so I won't even bother."  
  
She dismissed me with a wave. "You're just jealous."  
  
"Of?"  
  
"Of my funniness. Duh! Sometimes you just don't get it."  
  
I laughed. Yeah, Drunk Anna was definitely funny. She was sitting on the couch, legs akimbo, rambling, while occasionally touching the pimple on her face. Since we'd started the journey, unlike she did in Newport, she hadn't worn a stitch of make-up. I'd initially thought it cool, till I later realized that _she hadn't worn a stitch of make-up_, meaning that she didn't care about the way she looked around me. Which, I'm sad to admit, I found a little disappointing.  
  
So there she was, pimply and drunk, and all I could think of was that I found her incredibly attractive. I think the alcohol was partly to blame but lately, even when I'd been completely sober, I'd found myself drawn to her. So I told her.  
  
"Huh?" she said, looking up from her glass. She was holding on to the bottle of vodka with her other hand, waiting to refill.  
  
"I said, do you know you're really cute?"  
  
"Am I drunk or did you say you think I'm cute?" she asked skeptically.  
  
"You are drunk and I said you're cute."  
  
She put down her glass. "That's interesting," she observed.  
  
"Hmm. Is that all you're going to say?"  
  
"Well," she said thoughtfully, "I think you have a big nose... no, not big - huuuuge," she described, holding her hands up about a foot apart  
  
"What?" That certainly wasn't what I was hoping to hear. When I'd tried to hint it the other day, she'd thought I was talking about Marissa, then now she thinks my nose is big? It was just wrong.  
  
"So, does that mean your snot is really huge?" she continued then laughed uncontrollably.  
  
I gulped down the rest of the liquid then reached for the bottle but she wouldn't let go if it.  
  
"What now?" I asked, my irritation heightened by the alcohol that had begun to seep into my bloodstream.   
  
She patted the seat next to her. "Come and sit here," she ordered.  
  
"Anna..."  
  
"I said come and sit here!"  
  
I joined her on the couch. "Now what?"  
  
She reached for my shirt. "Now, kiss me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You think I'm cute, right?"  
  
"And you think my snot is huge."  
  
She started giggling. "You're so funny Ryan. Why would I say such a thing? That's just dumb. I said, I think you're cute too. Hello, I'm not blind. So come on, kiss me!"  
  
She pulled me closer and when I was a few inches away from her, thinking of ways to escape, she put her other hand over her mouth and ran to the bathroom. A few moments later, I heard her throwing up her lunch.   
  
-----  
  
A few hours later, we were both in bed attempting to sleep it all off. As I turned, trying to make myself more comfortable, I mistakenly tapped her.  
  
"Ryan," she said, her voice muffled by the pillow.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Don't try to kiss me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm not drunk anymore, so don't try to kiss me."  
  
"I'm not trying to kiss you."  
  
"But you just touched me. I'm just warning you, 'cos I'm not drunk anymore."  
  
"Anna, I know you're not drunk. Can you shut up now?" I begged. I was already prepared to wake up with a hangover.  
  
"Don't tell me to shut up."  
  
"But you're talking and that's giving me a headache." I put the pillow over my head.  
  
"I don't care, just don't tell me to shut up."  
  
"But you're talking and I'm trying to sleep."  
  
"So what? That doesn't mean you can tell me to shut up," she argued.  
  
I groaned. "How about this? If I shut up, will you stop talking?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
So I did. And so did she. 


	10. Chapter 10

blah blah disclaimers.   
  
A/N: I want to get this story over and done with so there'll be much quicker updates... but don't hold me to it.   
  
--------  
  
Anna POV.  
  
It had been two days since the little kiss debacle and shockingly, we'd lived with very little tension and everything went back to normal... except it didn't, not _really_. I was drunk but wasn't so wasted that I couldn't remember most details of that evening. I still remembered that he told me that he was attracted to me and I remembered responding in kind. However, I had this feeling I might have said something else but was too embarrassed to ask when I finally sobered up. The bottom line was, he didn't kiss me and on some levels I was grateful he didn't take advantage of my drunken state but on others, I wished he did, because well, I just wanted him to.   
  
Unlike most of my other sailing trips, I'd let the boat navigate itself because I didn't want Ryan to feel lonely. Unfortunately, I was already getting withdrawals so I decided to pack in as much sailing into the last few days. I realized we still had the entire trip from Hawaii to Tahiti to sail but I wanted to enjoy the sport a little more before we touched land.   
  
As always, Ryan joined me on deck after he was done with his calls and news watching. Thankfully, he watched CNN. I probably wouldn't have liked him as much if I'd discovered he enjoyed Fox News... I think. I was wearing my bikini top and shorts but this time I didn't attempt to cover up because after that non-kiss, I wanted to make it difficult for him to overlook me. For the first time in my life, I wished I had bigger breasts and that thought upset me endlessly. But I couldn't help it - the fact we didn't get to share that intimate moment meant it was permanently ingrained in my mind and I just wanted to finally taste those lips of his. It had even gotten to the point that when he was talking to me, my mind would shut down and I'd just find myself staring at them. And that just seemed wrong - that was so not Anna Stern. I was supposed to know better, to behave better, to be better, but it was no longer in my control.  
  
"Anna," he said, handing me a cup of tea. We'd run out of coffee and were making due with the bags my father had left from his last trip.   
  
It tasted funny. "Sweet 'n' Low?" I asked.  
  
He nodded. "Yep. We are out of sugar."  
  
"Good thing we are only two days from Hawaii. I don't think I can stand the aftertaste," I said, putting the cup down next to me.   
  
"Yep," he said, picking it up and placing it on our little lounge table.  
  
"Two days left and we still haven't found Seth," I said, glancing at him. He tried to mask his doubt but I caught it before he succeeded.  
  
He grinned widely. "I bet he's already there; drinking from coconuts and doing the hula dance," he said lightly. It obviously bothered him but I appreciated that he was trying to put up a brave face for my benefit.  
  
I laughed. "It's not really like that, you know."  
  
"No? So it's all a fantasy? Television has been lying to us?"  
  
"Well, actually, it is like that in some places - usually where tourists hang out. But a lot of the Islands are bustling cities just like everywhere else."  
  
"That's cool," he said, nodding.   
  
"But unfortunately, we are not going to get to see it. But maybe on another trip...," I said, turning back to the wheel.  
  
"What? Are you asking me to sail with you another time?"  
  
I blushed furiously. I was so glad he couldn't see my face. "Well, you aren't the worst sailing partner in the world."  
  
"How can I be a partner when I can't even sail?" he asked accusingly.   
  
He'd begun to sound like a broken record and I just wanted to shut him up. "You really want to learn?"  
  
"How many times do I have to say it?"  
  
"Alright, come on." I waved him to the controls.  
  
"And I don't mean showing me how to use autopilot," he added as he approached me.  
  
It was getting a little scary -he'd begun to read me.   
  
I pointed a few things out to him then stepped aside so that he could hold the wheel. But he wasn't holding it right. He held it like he was driving a car.   
  
So I went to one side and placed his hand in the right place. I tried to stretch to place the other hand in the correct spot but it was too far, so I went around him to do it. Then I instructed him carefully. But it felt like I was speaking Chinese because he appeared to be following someone else's directions.  
  
"See why I didn't want to teach you? You're doing something entirely different. Ryan, listen to me!"  
  
He finally did but was having trouble holding the wheel correctly. I found myself going around him numerous times just to keep his hands in the right position.   
  
"This is ridiculous. When I get through with you, I'm never going to have to visit a gym ever again," I whined. It's wasn't really that terrible - I enjoyed playing 'teacher.'  
  
With his hands still on the wheel, he stepped back.  
  
I eyed him. "What do you think you're doing?"  
  
"Making some space for you to get in."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You're smaller than I am. Instead of having to go around me, I can look over and around you."  
  
I shook my head. "No... it's fine this way."  
  
"Maybe it's fine for you, but my ears are getting tired from hearing your complaints."  
  
I glared at him. "Buddy, remember I am doing you a favor."  
  
He smiled with mock shame. "Thank you, madam. I am ever so grateful," he joked.  
  
I bent under his arms and got in front of him. I was flanked by them so that I was completely enveloped by him. I exhaled. Even though it was breezy, his body heat made me feel otherwise. He must have just taken a shower because the fragrance of Irish Spring still lingered. As I spoke, he moved his head so close to mine that I could tell that his breath was a mixture of tea and mint.   
  
For about five minutes, I instructed and showed him the basics of sailing and he slowly caught on. Well, he finally learned to hold the steering wheel correctly.  
  
I would have loved to teach him more but I just couldn't. He was so close to me that he was all I could think of. I had to concentrate hard to make sure that only acceptable words passed my lips - I was afraid that if I let my brain move faster than my lips, I might have said some things that would only lead to regret. I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I almost didn't hear him whisper my name.   
  
When I snapped out of it, I felt him gently nudge me. He'd stretched his right hand over my body to my left arm and was tugging it. I had no choice but to turn around and face him.  
  
My eyes traveled from his lips to his nose and into his blue eyes. He had a weird look.   
  
"Ryan," I murmured.   
  
He didn't respond. Instead his fingers slid from my temple, to my cheek then outlined my lips. I found myself responding and tasting his fingers as they moved across my mouth. I moved closer and molded my body into his.   
  
"Ryan...," I started but was stopped when he fastened his lips on mine. His mouth tasted wet and warm. I closed my eyes and put my hands around his waist. He slid his hand around my neck, grabbed my hair and pulled me even closer to him. His tongue was deep as he explored the innermost hollows of my mouth.  
  
I opened my eyes when we broke apart for some air. Then he pushed me further into the wheel and I felt it dig into my back. I almost said something but stopped myself. However, the pain kept me from thoroughly enjoying him kiss my neck and I looked over his shoulder.   
  
I squinted and saw a catamaran. "Seth," I said softly.  
  
His body stiffened. He disentangled his body from mine, stepped back and looked at me. "What?" he asked, displeased.  
  
I pointed at the ocean. "I think that's Seth."  
  
I ran downstairs, quickly returned with two sets of binoculars and handed him one.  
  
"Is that him?" I asked excitedly as we both looked through the lenses.  
  
"I don't know." His voice was unemotional.   
  
"It might be. Who else would be traveling in such a little boat in these waters?" I ran to the wheel and steered us in its direction. "Ryan, don't just stand there, grab a flare! We have to get his attention!"  
  
An unimpressed Ryan kept looking through the binoculars.  
  
"Ryan, get on with it!"  
  
He frowned and handed it to me. "It's not him."  
  
"Huh? How can you be so sure?"  
  
"Unless Seth's made some friends, that's not him. That boat is with the bigger one behind it."  
  
I took the binoculars from him and confirmed his findings. "I guess you're right. It would have been nice to find him though," I said, smiling faintly.  
  
He stared at the floor and shook his head. When he looked up, I looked back at him. We both stood there and watched the other wordlessly. It was almost like we were in a staring contest. The tension I was so proud we didn't have had finally materialized.  
  
I lost the game, looked away and took hold of the wheel. "Well, I guess I better steer this back before we find ourselves on a deserted Island."   
  
"Anna..."  
  
"Do you mind going through the pantry to see what we need to reload on? We are already running out of supplies."  
  
He was disappointed. "Anna..." he repeated.   
  
I knew he wanted to talk about what had just happened, but I didn't want to. I wasn't even sure I'd know what to say. Everything was just messed up because Ryan and I were supposed to be finding Seth, not hooking up. I didn't know what to think hence, I wasn't ready to have any discussions.   
  
"You know what?" I said, more to myself than to him. "Forget it. I'll just do it myself," I smiled pretending everything was back to normal, "I'll probably know better."  
  
He was still standing and watching me when I put the boat on autopilot and escaped downstairs.


	11. Chapter 11

Anna POV  
  
I must have been uncomfortable because when I woke up, I felt the weight of Ryan's arm on my back. The clock read 2:14 so I knew I had to drift back to sleep. But I couldn't. I didn't want to move because I didn't want to wake him but after being able to only move my head for 10 minutes, I took a chance. I slowly and carefully moved my body till I fell on the floor in a light thud. I went to the bathroom to pee but when I returned, aided by the soft moonlight and the fact my eyes had gotten used to the darkness, I noticed that Ryan was sitting up with this back on the headboard, the pillow propped in between, acting as a cushion.  
  
I pretended not to see him, lay on my side on the bed and covered up with my blanket. We'd barely exchanged two words since our kiss.  
  
When I made my departure, I didn't know what to expect but I was glad that he didn' t follow me. But after a while I'd begun to worry. The sun had been gone for hours and he was still on deck. I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to go and check up on him? I couldn't make up my mind so I stayed put. I'd just begun to prepare ramen noodles when I heard the rustling of his feet on the steps. He walked in without a word. In fact, other than the thanks he expressed when I handed him the steaming bowl, the only sounds that could be heard that evening emanated from the television. I was already asleep when he joined me in bed.  
  
The clock read 2:29. I lay in my spot, acutely aware that he was most likely staring at me when I heard him ask, "What? You want me to move back to the couch?"  
  
I turned my head to him. He looked even better in dim lights. I don't know, his face just seemed sharper, more alert. "Did I say that? Of course not," I muttered.  
  
"Is that a yes? I didn't hear you."  
  
I sat up and looked at him. "I said no."  
  
He reached for the lamp but I stopped him. "If you put the light on, there's no way I'm going to fall asleep again."  
  
"I guess that's true."  
  
I looked at everything in the room but him. I didn't know what to do next. Was I supposed to lay back or talk to him?  
  
He chose to speak. "Anna, is this how it's going to be for the rest of the trip?"  
  
He usually slept in a wife beater and shorts, but I guess because it was a warm night, he'd taken it off and laid it on the night table. I looked at his chest, all toned and taut, divided into well defined sections, and all I could think was I had a hot guy I was interested in, staring at me and all I could give him was attitude.   
  
"Anna, answer me, is this how it's going to be?"  
  
I shook my head. "No. But we need to get some sleep," I said, pushing my body further down the bed and lying down. Shortly after, he joined me.   
  
I lay, praying that sleep would find me but for some reason it chose to be elusive. And I knew that Ryan was also awake. I didn't hear the sounds of gentle breathing I'd become accustomed to. Instead, it was silent, almost as if he was trying his best to pretend to be sleeping. My eyes shot at the clock and I saw that it was 2:47. I turned around to face him. I half-expected him to pretend to be asleep but he didn't bother.  
  
"Ryan," I said softly, "I think we should talk."  
  
"You don't say," he replied dryly.  
  
I moved a little closer to him. "I don't understand what happened with us, we used to be so comfortable with one another." The light highlighted his well toned outline and I just wanted to run my fingers along him.   
  
"Anna, you tell me, it was cool till you -"  
  
My lips stopped his stunned mouth. My teeth and tongue nibbled and teased his lips before he gave up and let me in. His mouth was hot and tasted a little of mouthwash. He couldn't have been asleep for long. I pushed myself even closer and ran my fingers along his hard arms.   
  
He pulled his head backwards and looked into my eyes curiously. "What do you think you are doing?"  
  
"What does it look like?"  
  
"Anna, that came from nowhere. I kissed you a few hours ago and you ran away. Suddenly, it's alright? What's going on?"  
  
I didn't know either. All I was sure was that I liked the way his kissed and I wanted to enjoy him a bit more. I made a mental note to check my ovulation calendar and kissed him again. We were making out when he stopped me again.  
  
"Anna," he said.  
  
"What now?" I asked a little frustrated. This was not the way it was meant to go. Guys are horndogs who take it whenever they can get it. They are not supposed to be interrupt make-out sessions to chat.  
  
"I just wanted to make sure you didn't see Seth in the closet," he deadpanned.   
  
I laughed. "Don't be silly, Ryan," I said, replacing my lips back on his.   
  
"I'm serious," he said, stopping once again, except this time, he spoke directly into my mouth.  
  
I grunted and moved my head a few inches away. I realized it wasn't ladylike or attractive but he'd begun to annoy me. For weeks I'd been trying to make him talk, not just pointless chatter, but actually have a real conversation, but he chose the time I wanted to taste him all over to have 'talks.'  
  
I frowned at him. I'd become so used to the light that I could practically make out every inch of his face. His eyes were even more expressive in the dark and they were telling me he was a little unsure. And that was a little frightening.  
  
"What happened today with the boat. What was that all about?" he asked.

I looked away. "I told you, I thought I saw him."

"Are you sure that's all?"

I was tired of getting grilled. Sure I was sure. Or not. But did it matter? He was asking too many questions. "You don't want to do this?" I asked, frustrated. I turned and move further away.  
  
He grabbed my hand to stop me. "No, Anna, that's not it at all."  
  
I looked back at him. "Then what?"  
  
He looked down my body and back at my face. "I just want to make sure you are okay with this."  
  
My temper flared. "I've kissed you, like, twice in, like, ten minutes. Isn't that -"  
  
It was his turn to shut me up with a kiss. He put his arm over my waist and pulled me to him. Through my flimsy nightgown, I felt my nipples graze his chest. With his heavy tongue still in my mouth, his fingers teased my neck and traveled down till it got to my breasts, then they took a detour and played with my flesh. After moving back a little, he slid his hand over my breast and tweaked my nipple. If I didn't have something obstructing me, my moan would have been louder - his fingers were cold and well, I was kind of horny.   
  
About ten minutes later, I was over him, kissing his hard belly, trying my best to avoid the slight hairs when he tapped my head. I looked up at him. "What now?"  
  
"Do you have something?"  
  
"Something?"  
  
"Yes, a condom."  
  
I slid off him, propped my head with my bent arm and looked at him. "Condom? We need a condom? We are just making out," I pointed out.  
  
He nodded. "I know, but just in case. Do you?"  
  
"Me? What about you? Isn't every guy supposed to carry one in his pocket?"  
  
He wiped his mouth with his hand, another gesture I noticed he did when he was thinking. "Nope, not me."  
  
I thought about it for a moment. "I guess that's a good thing. I would have been worried if you'd brought some with you."  
  
"So..."  
  
I looked at the drawer the lamp was standing on. "Yep, I believe I do."  
  
He looked surprised. "Anna, you brought condoms with you?"  
  
I smirked. "Don't be silly, remember this is my parents' boat. The last time I looked into that drawer," I said pointing at it, "there were some there."  
  
He turned around, opened it and felt inside it. He shook his head. "Nope. Nothing there."  
  
I slid across and over him to see for myself. I had to shut my eyes at the sudden sharp light of the lamp but when I looked inside the drawer, I saw that he was right.  
  
I switched the light off and moved back to my side and frowned. "I guess they are all gone." Then I thought about the implications of that statement and almost gagged.  
  
"Yuck, that's so nasty."  
  
"What?"  
  
I looked at him and saw that he was genuinely concerned.   
  
"The condoms are all gone," I repeated.  
  
"So?"  
  
"This is my parents' boat. The last time I checked, there were some in there. Now, there are none..."  
  
His expression changed from one of confusion to amusement when it dawned on him. He let out a soft laugh.  
  
I folded my arms. "You suck. Why did you have to bring that up? Now I have all sorts of images in my head. I am going to have to get a lobotomy."   
  
He pulled me closer and kissed me fiercely. "Don't worry, I'll help you forget."  
  
"How?"  
  
He landed soft swift kisses all over my face. "Don't worry, I can be creative."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Trust me," he said, kissing my chin.   
  
----  
  
I woke up still tingly. Ryan was fast asleep when I took a shower and went upstairs to handle the steering wheel. I honestly didn't know what to think. Ryan seemed so different in bed. Not that I had experienced all he could offer, but from what I could tell, he wasn't as reserved, as self conscious and he really meant it when he claimed to be creative. I couldn't go as far as saying it was the best sexual experience in my life but it ranked pretty high. And for non-sex, it was pretty damn good. In addition, to his credit, he'd found an erogenous zone around my pelvic bone.   
  
I didn't even know what we were; dating, summer fling, friends with benefits or what? We hadn't discussed anything and I was confused as hell. I liked him, I really did. But I lived in Pittsburgh, he in Chino and 17 year olds had no business embarking on long distance relationships. That was problematic enough without piling the issues that came from my being his best friend/brother's ex, him possibly becoming the father of another girl's child and Marissa. I still didn't even know if they were still together. Not really having a clue, I decided that I'll play it by ear and let his reactions guide me.   
  
I took the fact that he walked up almost two hours later than he usually did as the first sign. The worried/unsure/it's-not-you-but-me/lets-not-do-this-again look on his face was the second. I knew there was no way I was going to let him give me a speech so I beat him to the punch. The least I could do was leave with some dignity. I didn't even let his raw sexiness in those light, tan pants sway me.

"Morning Ryan. I've thought about it and I think that what happened last night was a huge mistake. I'm sorry and I wish it was different but obviously, it can't go anywhere, right? It was fun, but not meant to be, but no regrets, right?" I said quickly. I ended it with a hopefully smile.  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Anna. I'm having problems reaching the Cohens."  
  
"Oh. Do you mind if I try?" I said.  
  
"Be my guest," he said, stepping aside.   
  
-----  
  
Ryan POV  
  
Anna was sitting next to me, dialing the number for the fourth time. I already knew our phone was working because I'd called Theresa four times just to make sure. I even went as far as calling my bank and that worked too. I was getting really worried. Other than not usually having trouble reaching them, they seemed to always await my call. But for some reason, it was different today. The call seemed to go through, but it just kept ringing. The home phone, Sandy's and Kirsten's . They just keep ringing and ringing. And it didn't feel right.  
  
Anna tapped me. I looked at her and she nodded, indicating that someone had picked up. I heaved a sigh of relief.   
  
"Hello," she said into the phone.   
  
Her little speech had annoyed me. What the hell was her problem? I thought we both had a good time and she had to know that I liked her as I'd already said so, so I didn't get it. I decided to get to the bottom of it right after my conversation with Sandy, Kirsten or whomever Anna was speaking to. I figured there were only so many places she could hide on our little boat and eventually, she'd have to tell me what the hell was bothering her.   
  
I looked at her and saw that her face had turned white. I stopped breathing.   
  
"Alright," she was saying into the phone, "I'll give it to Ryan now."  
  
I grabbed the phone from her but hesitantly put it to my ear.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Kiddo," Sandy said in that cheerful tone he reserved for bad news. "How's your trip?"  
  
"Sandy, what's going on?"  
  
"Oh, nothing definite," he said evasively.  
  
"Sandy, please tell me. Is it Seth?"  
  
"Well, we don't really know."  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"The Coast Guard called about a body washing up around the Bay Area."  
  
My throat tightened. "That can't be Seth," I muttered, hoping that saying those words might make it true.  
  
"I don't think so either, but he matched his description and was wearing a watch that's similar to one his grandma gave him for his Bar Mitzvah."  
  
"He's never shown me that watch before so why would he take it with him?"  
  
"That's that I think. It's not something he normally wears but Kirsten ransacked his room and it's nowhere to be found."  
  
I tasted bile. "Where are you?" I whispered. I could barely speak.  
  
"We are still in Newport. Kirsten and I have been looking through all the rooms for that watch. We are searching her Dad's house if it's not here."  
  
"I'm sure it's not him," I reassured, even though I wasn't sure I believed the words myself. But I had to be right, it just couldn't be Seth. It just couldn't.   
  
"Yes, me too. I just hope we don't have to make the drive down there. I know there's no way Kirsten is going to let us fly after this."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, take care of Anna, alright? And make sure you stay safe -those waters can be dangerous."  
  
"We will Sandy. We arrive in Honolulu tomorrow."

"Good. And make sure you stay there. Don't leave till you hear from us. Alright kiddo?" he said with false optimism.  
  
"Alright, Sandy. Take care."  
  
-----  
  
A/N: Boo to PG 13. I disagree with anyone who claims it's R (unless it's a site administrator). 


	12. Chapter 12

I own nothing.  
  
Thanks for reading and reviewing. It's much appreciated.  
  
------  
  
Ryan POV.  
  
I couldn't even hang the phone up - I just kept staring at it. It felt like everything around me was tumbling. My breathing had become so rapid I had to shut my eyes and bend my head to concentrate on normalizing it. After a few minutes, Anna gently took the phone from my hand and hung up. If I'd heard correctly -unfortunately, I was sure I did- somebody was trying to claim that Seth could possibly be lying cold in God-knows-where. Seth? The same guy who taught me about Chrismukkah, welcomed me with no qualms into his home and life, the same sonofabitch who'd tried to get me to sail, who'd been my friend when everyone else insisted on making me feel like an outsider? That Seth? It couldn't be. It just couldn't. Life couldn't be so cruel, could it? Things like that just didn't happen to good people, right?   
  
Fuck, Seth could be lying cold and it would be all my fault. All mine. I'd done it again. Ryan Atwood had screwed up once again and now Seth was dead. All because of me. But what was I supposed to do? Could I have done anything differently? I had to go back to Chino, right? I couldn't allow Theresa to go through that alone. That couldn't have been the right move to make. Right? At the time it felt like the only thing -the correct thing- to do, so why did it suddenly feel so wrong?   
  
At that moment, I felt Anna slip her hand over mine. She probably thought it was reassuring but all I could feel was my skin crawl, so I shook her off. Luckily, she didn't react. I wasn't in the mood to talk - my mouth was too dry to form any words and I just wanted her to leave me alone to wonder how the hell Seth could be dead. We'd completely forgotten the purpose of the stupid trip. The whole time we were sailing, dancing, kissing, Seth was somewhere suffering, drowning... possibly dying. Why the fuck weren't we more observant? We would have found him if we'd paid more attention. I glanced at her and was just disgusted. Why the hell did she even make me come with her? It was a pointless trip - we didn't achieve anything. Instead, Seth was probably dead and I'd left Theresa all alone. If she hadn't come up with the stupid sailing idea, I, at least, would have been able to be with Theresa instead of being completely useless on the Pacific.   
  
At that thought, I remembered that Theresa had told me the date of her first ultrasound. Because we were low in funds, we were utilizing free prenatal care so they were pretty backed up. But luckily for her, the nurse, who was a friend of her mother's, had managed to get her an earlier date. She needed me to be with her, to hold her hand when they showed her the first pictures of our child but instead, she was going to be all alone. All because Anna couldn't sit her ass down in Pittsburgh.  
  
I reached for my bag and rummaged for the sheet I'd written all her information on. I found it: May 30th.  
  
"Huh?" Anna asked. I must have said it aloud.  
  
I'd drifted into my own world and forgotten she was sitting next to me. The color was yet to return to her face. "I said, May 30th."  
  
She nodded. "Yes, that's tomorrow. We get to Hawaii tomorrow."  
  
"Who cares? It's the day Theresa gets her ultrasound," I mumbled, looking back at the paper.   
  
"That's nice."  
  
What? Couldn't she see what was happening? "No it isn't, Anna." I turned to her again. "It's not nice."  
  
She looked confused. "It isn't? Why not?"  
  
My blood had begun to boil and usually, that's the point I just shut up to keep myself from saying something I might later on regret but all I could think was; it was a wasted trip because Seth's dead anyway. And I needed to lash out.

"It's not nice because I'm not there with her," I replied in a louder voice.  
  
"Oh," she mouthed.  
  
"Is that all you have to say?" I'd started shouting.  
  
"Alright, I see where this is going," she said, getting up.   
  
"Going? We are going nowhere. Can't you see that?"   
  
She folded her arms and looked down at me. "Are you actually screaming at me?"  
  
"What does it look like? This is all your fault! I shouldn't be here at all. I should be with Theresa! "  
  
"Ryan, in case you've forgotten, I didn't ask you to come with me," she said in a firm voice. I could see that she was trying her best to keep her cool and that just annoyed me even more. I wanted a reaction from her. Seth was dead and I hadn't done anything to prevent it.   
  
"Anna, are you honestly saying that you expected me to let you come here alone?"  
  
She shrugged. "Let me? Are you my boss? Remember I never asked you to come with me. You insisted. If you felt you had to stay with Theresa, you should have."  
  
"How the hell would that have worked? I couldn't let you be alone!"  
  
She looked away from me. "Ryan, it was your choice - don't blame me."  
  
I started seeing red. She was standing there calmly, trying to rationalize things, trying to argue with me when the world was just falling apart around us. What was her problem? "Really? What did we accomplish by coming here? Nothing! Absolutely Nothing! Why did you suggest it in the first place? We came here and Seth's dead anyway! W--"  
  
"We don't know that. Nothing's been confirmed," she interjected, looking back at me. Her voice betrayed that she didn't truly believe it herself.  
  
"So what? Where the hell is Seth? For all you know, he could have sailed to Timbuktu."  
  
Angrily, she clapped once. "Ryan, what the hell? What do you want from me? You chose to come here."  
  
"Why do you keep saying 'chose'?' I had no choice. I had to come with you instead of doing the right thing and staying with Theresa. At le..."  
  
"You can fly up tomorrow," she said, interrupting. "We'll go to the airport and you can fly up."  
  
"As if I could. I can't leave you." I would have loved to but there was only one of me. I annoyed me she couldn't understand that.   
  
"Listen Ryan, I get it - you want to protect everyone. But you can't be in two places at the same time. You have to choose which girl you want to save. And I don't need you. Go to her."  
  
"Whatever Anna." I really wasn't listening anyway. "Why in the world did you come up with this stupid idea in the first place? As if my life wasn't fucking complicated enough... If you hadn't -"  
  
"Listen, you! Stop trying to put the blame on me because of some misguided guilt you feel. As you say your crap, just remember this; I'm not the reason Seth went sailing in the first place."  
  
That stung. "You think I don't know that?"  
  
"Who knows what you think you know, Ryan? You're here screaming at me," she pointed out.   
  
"Want to know what I know?" I didn't wait for a response. "It would have been better for everyone if you had just stayed in Pittsburgh. As far as I remember, no one actually invited you."  
  
She glared at me then picked up her handbag and walked out.   
  
------  
  
I'd finally gotten a reaction from her, so why did seeing her walk out make me feel even worse? I immediately realized that I shouldn't have flung those words at her, that she wasn't at fault for anything and that she was just trying to help. The stupid fight didn't even make sense. I was just mad. I knew I'd been irrational, but I was so emotional that I'd unwisely unloaded my tongue on her. I regretted ever going up the stairs to tell her about the problems with the phone because if I'd just taken care of it on my own, like I ought, I'd have gotten through to Sandy in her absence and all the crap wouldn't have happened. I would have dealt with killing Seth on my own. I'd let her non-reaction, which was probably mature, get to me and I ended up acting like a punk.   
  
I knew it wasn't her fault - I knew she had nothing to do with it so I had to apologize. It was completely wrong to treat someone who'd been so nice to me like that. I didn't need the extra stress and I couldn't stand that I'd selfishly hurt her feelings. At that moment, I felt worse about that than about abandoning Theresa.   
  
She was steering the wheel when I got to the deck. She was also wearing the largest T-shirt I'd ever seen in my life. I was sure it was made for a 400lb man - she must have been cold. She didn't turn to acknowledge me like she usually did. Instead, she just stared at the calm aqua waters. It was such a beautiful day - mild sun, no clouds and even the air didn't smell so fishy. The irony of life; we couldn't have had weather to match our moods.   
  
"Anna, I'm really sorry for what I said in there," I began in my most humble voice. I really meant it.   
  
She didn't reply. I might as well have been talking to a brick wall.  
  
"I understand you're mad but I'm really sorry. I should never have yelled and I can't believe what I said." When she didn't respond, I continued. "I don't think sailing was a bad idea at all. In fact, I think it's great and I'm glad you let me tag along."  
  
She just keep looking ahead, completely ignoring me.  
  
When I turned to leave she said, "you're booked on tomorrow's 12:30 flight to LA. I trust you can find your way from there."  
  
"What?" I was so shocked - I hadn't expected that. She must have called the airline from her cell phone. I finally understood why she'd taken her bag with her.  
  
"You heard me. We'll be arriving in the morning, so you can take a cab to the airport."  
  
"Sandy said --"  
  
"Fuck Sandy. This trip is over. Go and save Theresa. I am sure she's going to die if you're not standing by her, watching, as they put that cold gel on her belly, so go on. Not that I care, though. Go wherever you want. All I know is you're not staying with me any longer. You can leave now."  
  
"Anna," I said, reaching for her shoulder. I hadn't realized that my words had affected her that much. I certainly didn't want to leave.  
  
"Don't you dare touch me! Just leave."   
  
I didn't move a muscle. I tried to think of the right thing to say but came up empty.  
  
"Alright," she said, forcefully hitting some buttons on the computer screen. "If you don't leave, I will."  
  
With that, I turned around and walked away.  
  
-----

A/N: In case you were confused about the phones remember in Chapter 4 she said the boat had a GPS phone and she had a GSM mobile phone.


	13. Chapter 13

I own nothing.  
  
A/N: Thanks for the reviews - I really appreciate them. **muchtvs** and other non-believers, welcome to the dark side (Ryan/Anna love). **Tatertots**, yes, 15 chapters but the later ones are twice as long, so that should be something, right?   
  
------  
  
I'd been sitting on the couch for over six hours trying to find some kind of distraction. Anna had come down about three hours after I'd left her. However, she didn't even acknowledge my presence as she went to the kitchen, picked up the box of cereal and departed again. I saw her look at the potatoes and chicken I'd prepared but she didn't touch them. Instead, knowing fully well that we'd run out of milk, she picked dry cereal over a home cooked meal - just because I'd made it.  
  
Seeing that didn't help improve my mood by a long shot. I don't think I'd ever felt that awful in my life and I think what compounded it was feeling completely useless. For the first time in my life, I wasn't in a position to help anyone. I just felt so expendable, like no one in the world would notice if I went missing or died, because it's not like I was contributing positively to society in anyway. Then thoughts of Seth lying face up, eyes open, lips blue-black kept floating through my head. I tried to watch television, I even picked up one of Anna's magazines -read a completely idiotic article about telling a good boyfriend from a bad one, all in an attempt to find a way of convincing myself it wasn't Seth's body rigid, washed up and wearing his Nana's watch in a body bag. But I failed miserably - I just couldn't shake that image.   
  
I was looking for something else to do when I noticed that the bedroom light was on. When I walked in to switch it off, I saw Theresa's information on the bed and sat next to it. That conjured more memories. I couldn't for the life of me understand how my world had come to this. For the first time in a long time, I regretted ever letting Sandy convince me to move in with his family. If I hadn't gone, Seth would have been fine. I laughed at the irony of the situation. Sandy had taken me in to get me away from a life of crime but it had only served to show that you cannot escape destiny. Even when I fucking tried to do the right thing, in the end, I was inevitably a criminal. Other than most likely killing Seth, I was willing to go along with the death of Theresa's child. I was so despicable that I was willing to live with the death of an innocent child that could possibly be my own flesh and blood. Then I thought of it and figured that the child might have been better off because he or she wouldn't have to live with my Atwood blood running through his or her veins.  
  
A multitude of thoughts kept running through my head and before I knew it, I felt tears seep from my eyes. I was such a loser that I had to weep like a child. I couldn't even fucking handle my own emotions. I walked into the bathroom to get some tissue but stared at my reflection instead. All I could think was; I was looking into the eyes of a killer. A completely useless killer. A killer that couldn't even help the people he loved most in the world. What good in the world is such a person? None - just a complete waste of space. All I could think was maybe my mother was right after all. Maybe I was a mistake. Maybe nothing good had ever come from my birth. All I did for her was make her fat and use up her money. I didn't even have one redeeming quality, one thing that would make my life worth her nine months of hell. I felt my hand ball up as I kept staring at the bastard. It was like he was smirking at me, proud of how much pain he'd caused the world, proud of being a failure. My fist was about to make contact with the glass when I realized where I was. It dawned on me that I was such an asshole, I was about to add 'vandal' to my rap sheet. I grabbed the roll of toilet paper and ran out.   
  
I heard Anna in the living room so I didn't go back in. She'd made it clear she was sick of me and I didn't want to make things uncomfortable for her by being in her way. I figured that was the least I could do. She'd tried to be nice to me but all I'd done was fuck it up. Ryan Atwood: the heavy-weight champion screw-up. I sat on the bed and tried to clear my head. Instead, the tears returned. The more I fought them, the harder they fell. I just couldn't stop thinking about all the people I'd hurt: my family, Theresa, Seth, Anna, Marissa, Sandy and Kirsten - even Luke. Even though I didn't think it at the time, I knew I was partly to blame for his accident. Chants started playing in my head. Different melodies; Rock, pop, even rap all saying, "Murderer. Ryan Atwood is a Murderer." I laid in the fetal position and just bawled like a little bitch. I'd lost track of time when I felt a soft hand gently glide across my shoulders and arm.   
  
"Ryan, everything will be fine," she said tenderly.   
  
I instantly felt ashamed. I should not have let her see me that way. That wasn't me. I don't cry. I never cry. I'm not weak. The last time anyone saw me cry was in 3rd grade after my father hit me for interfering in my parents' fight. Since then, I hadn't shed a tear. I'd managed to deal with everything internally. But there I was, a 17 year old grown man, crying in front of a girl. I felt so worthless that I cried so more. She tried to turn me over but I resisted - I didn't need her pity. I felt her get off the bed and before I knew it, she was in lying in front of me, pushing my head on her shoulder and wrapping her arms around me. It felt nice. Then she started speaking softly - most I didn't hear, but assumed were words of comfort. That just made me feel even more pathetic and I couldn't stop the tears. We remained like that till I drifted into sleep.  
  
I had a restless night and when I woke up at around 3 am, I heard a soft consistent sound. I strained my ears and figured out it was coming from her. Her back was turned to me but she was definitely crying. It seemed like the stress of the day had taken its toll on both of us. When I reached for her, she struggled but I didn't relent. When she finally surrendered, I turned her around, pulled her to me and just held her tight. I could feel the tears sipping though my shirt so I reached for the tissue, pulled off some sheets and dabbed her face with it.   
  
I had barely wiped one eye when she snatched it from my hand.  
  
"This is just pathetic," she said.   
  
"Why? Because you're crying? It's nothing to be ashamed of."  
  
"I know, but still..."  
  
"Anna, I'm here, you can cry on me all you want."  
  
She sniffed and blew her nose. She also took the opportunity to scoot away from me. It felt weird because I wished she hadn't but I didn't say anything. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness and I could see her eyes were a little swollen. I noticed that her tissue was soaked so I reached over and pulled out few more sheets.  
  
"Give me the whole roll," she said, crooking her finger. I did, along with the sheets I'd already pulled.  
  
She held on to the sheets but put the roll between us. "This is just terrible. Seth is dead," she said.   
  
"No, he's not," I said flatly. I was feeling a little better. This was a role I was accustomed to. It felt good to be useful again.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Just because."  
  
"Ryan, that's just bullshit. We don't know anything."  
  
"True. But he's probably fine."  
  
"How do you know?" she insisted.  
  
"Okay, I don't. But there's no sense in panicking yet. We don't know the facts."   
  
"Oh really?" she asked, pulling back her hair. "That didn't stop you from wigging out a few hours ago."  
  
I smiled. "I know. I'm a wigg - I mean, I wig-out."   
  
Her eyes widened suspiciously. "Uh-uh, Ryan what did you almost say?"  
  
She was definitely sharper than a few girls I'd dated. I shook my head slightly. "Nothing!" I replied with mock-severity.   
  
She grinned. "Ryan?"  
  
"Anna?"  
  
We glared at one another for a few seconds before we burst into a fit of hysterics. It really wasn't that funny but we needed a little bit of a release, something, anything, to rid us of some of our tension. And it seemed like the weirdness of inappropriate slang terms was sufficient.   
  
Seeing her laugh again reminded me of the bullshit I'd put her through earlier in the day.  
  
"You do believe that I'm sorry about what I said today, right?"  
  
She kicked me. Then kicked me again.  
  
"Hey," I yelled, putting my hands on her knees to stop her, but she managed to get one last kick in.  
  
"I can't fucking believe you said that shit to me!"  
  
"I know. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it."  
  
"Whatever, Ryan."  
  
"I'm serious. I am really sorry. I was just so upset, I took it out on you and I shouldn't have."  
  
"Got that right."  
  
"I'm really sorry. It was stupid of me. Can you forgive me? Please?" I said, hoping that I was doing the whole puppy-dog eye thing correctly. Not that I was sure she'd even see it in the dark. It didn't seem to work so I groveled a little more.   
  
She scrunched her nose. "O.K... let me put it this way. You're not forgiven and it's definitely not forgotten, but I'll tolerate you for a while."  
  
It wasn't what I'd hoped but it was better than nothing. "Thanks." I almost asked about the flight to LA but decided not to push it.   
  
"And I guess I am sorry too."  
  
"For what?"  
  
She giggled. "If there was something I did... if not, then I take it back." Before I could respond she said, "It's probably not him, you know."  
  
I couldn't blame her for being preoccupied with Seth, I was too. "Yeah."  
  
"I'm sure this happens everyday. Things you think are one way really are another," she said trying to convince herself. I wondered how often she did that.   
  
"Definitely."  
  
"I am sure one day this will be a funny story you tell Seth. Yeah, I bet there are hundreds of funny stories like this."  
  
She'd begun to walk her fingers around the roll.   
  
"Yes, I know one," I volunteered. She looked like she really needed to believe in what she was saying that I couldn't help myself. I needed to make her feel better.   
  
She narrowed her eyes. "You know a funny story?" she asked skeptically.   
  
"Not funny, ha-ha."  
  
"I didn't think so. Anyway, spill it."  
  
I took in a deep breath. "Well, when I was about eight, I thought my mother died."  
  
"What?" The moon had shifted and the light was across her face. At that moment she looked about thirteen.  
  
"Continue," she beckoned when I didn't say anything.   
  
"Well, she was either drunk or overdosed -I don't know which -but I walked into the living room and saw her lying to the floor. Her eyes were open but she didn't respond when I shook her."  
  
"Shit! What did you do?"  
  
"I tried to call 911 but the phone wasn't working - my mom must have been late on the bills again - so I went to my neighbor's house, except she wouldn't help because during one of my Mom's drunken episodes, she'd dumped our trash in front of her house. Of course when she was sober, she'd denied it. Trey and I had to clean it up."  
  
"Damn. So what did you do?"  
  
"I ran to Theresa's house. It really wasn't that far, a little over a mile, but imagine an 8 year old boy running on the street at midnight. It turned out well in the end though. My mom is still alive." _I think.  
_  
She shook her head in disbelief. "That's just messed up. Running at night in a dangerous city? That's just messed up."  
  
"Chino really isn't that dangerous, though. There are worse places."  
  
"Really?" she wasn't buying it. " Because from what I hear..."  
  
"I know. But trust me, it isn't. You should come and check it out someday."  
  
She grinned. "Alright. We'll see about that... But parents can be so dumb sometimes. I can't believe your mother put you through that."  
  
"Yes, so I guess you never experienced anything like that, huh?" How could she? I knew she wasn't a princess but she was definitely rich.  
  
"No, thank God. But my parents suck too."  
  
"Really? 'Cos they let you go anywhere. You seem pretty free."  
  
"Sure, it looks that way, but it really isn't. It's this whole passive-aggressive thing. Kind of a self-parenting thing. You can do whatever you like, but if you mess up, the freedom is snatched from you. So you're always on edge. Plus, if you do anything wrong, you have to make sure you confess before you're caught."  
  
"How about you never confess at all?"  
  
"You would think that, right? Except my mom would say things like, "I hear you've been busy today," or "I heard something interesting today, care to explain?" And you don't know what the hell she's talking about so you find yourself spilling all your guts. It's just retarded... My solution? I just avoid them; if you don't see me, you can't grill me."   
  
"That's interesting," I commented. I wondered if that was why she ran away from me after our kiss and why she said that crap to me earlier in the day, but I reserved that discussion for later.  
  
"There you go. I bet your parents never treated you like that," she replied.  
  
"Well... not like that. But my parents have done very stupid things too."  
  
"Like wh --" she stopped herself before she could finish her sentence. I immediately recognized the look people give me when they imagine what growing up around crime might feel like. I was fine with my past and didn't need anyone pitying me so I decided to lighten the mood.   
  
"Like the time...," I started. I told her about the time my stepfather had beaten us because he thought we'd stolen his wallet only for him to later find it in his car. Then she told me about the time she'd killed all the fish in the aquarium because she "thought they needed some air." And that's how it went, we spent the rest of the night exchanging stories of our childhood, sometimes stopping to play with the toilet roll, just being together, till we fell asleep. 


	14. Chapter 14

I own nothing  
  
A/N: Thanks for the reviews and for sticking with the story.   
  
------  
  
Anna POV  
  
Arriving in Hawaii was quite uneventful. We had to announce our arrival to the coast guards because we were coming off international waters and Ryan got a little kick out of that. He wouldn't admit it but I could tell that he was excited about getting to Tahiti so that he could finally get a stamp in the passport the Cohens had gotten him when he'd first moved in with them.   
  
"What is this?" Ryan asked, looking up from the post-it I'd scrawled a number on. While Ryan was offloading our boat, I'd gotten our papers together and asked one of the workers for information on the nearest hotel, local cab companies, eateries, and any other things needed to make my stay comfortable.   
  
"The number to a cab company." I reached into my bag, pulled out my phone and handed it to him. "You can use this."  
  
He was confused. "What do I need this number for?"  
  
"To call a cab, duh." I put on my back pack and started rolling my suitcase towards the huge parking lot.  
  
"Oh, you've decided on a hotel?" he asked, following me.  
  
"Yes, I have." I pointed at the post-it. "That company has a flat rate to the airport. You'll want to call so that you can get book a cab as soon as possible."  
  
"What?" He stopped. I kept walking. It was sweltering and I couldn't wait to get to an air-conditioned hotel room.  
  
"Remember your flight to LA? We talked about this yesterday," I reminded him.  
  
He was still in shock. "Anna... you still want me to leave?"  
  
Not really, but I couldn't say that. "You need to be with Theresa."  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
I shook my head and kept on walking. I needed to get to the already long cab queue. He ran after me then clutched my hand to stop me. "Anna, what's going on?"  
  
I turned around. "You said you needed to be with Theresa, right?"  
  
"I did, but I don't want to leave you here," he said sincerely.  
  
"What does that mean? That you don't want to go back?"  
  
"That's exactly what I mean."  
  
"You realize I can be here on my own, right? Don't stay here because you think I need you."  
  
"I know that."   
  
He loosened his grip so I took my hand back. "And you're not going to go off on me again, right?" I didn't want him to feel guilty about being with me when he was obviously worried about the people he'd left at home. "I am giving you a chance to leave."  
  
"I know that."  
  
"And this is not because of whatever Mr. Cohen said, right? I'm sure he'd be glad to see you."  
  
"Anna, I want to be here with you."   
  
Satisfied, I nodded and got behind the queue. It was nice to hear but I could only hope he was being truthful.  
  
----  
  
We arrived at the hotel at around 8:30am.  
  
"Wow," he said looking around. "It's in the old hacienda, and with what I'll guess are Hawaiian influences."  
  
I was stunned. Those weren't words I expected to hear from Chino Ryan. "What? You're into interior design?"  
  
He laughed. "No, hacienda is colonial Spanish architecture. I wouldn't have expected to see that here. It's a pretty new building.. I guess they wanted a mix of old and new."  
  
I smiled. He just kept getting cuter and cuter. "You're into architecture? I wouldn't have guessed."  
  
"Anna, there are a lot of things you don't know about me. Hey, let's get our room," he said walking to the front desk.  
  
I followed him but was still intrigued by this newly unveiled side to him. "Do you sketch?"  
  
He nodded. "Sometimes," he replied shyly. _Cute!  
_  
"For real? Me too. But not buildings though."  
  
"No? What, then?"  
  
"Cartoons, still life, some nudes..." I'd expected him to react to the word 'nude' like every other red blooded guy but he didn't say anything. We joined the line of two at the reception desk. "So, you sketch buildings?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Oh my god, you'd love Europe. Not London or Paris or any of the big cities, even though you might still get a kick out of them, but Veneto in Northern Italy. It's so beautiful and the buildings are pretty quite interesting. I'm sure you'll get loads of inspiration from it. "  
  
"That's great." For some reason, he didn't really seem to want to talk about it.   
  
"So, when do I get to see these sketches?"  
  
"Anna, it's our turn. Let's get a room first."  
  
We proceeded to argue about the room. I wanted two rooms because I figured he'd need some privacy but he insisted that it was a waste of money so we ended up getting a double room. As much as I enjoyed sleeping next to him, I relished the thought of a queen size bed to myself, where I could turn and toss without risk of hitting anyone.  
  
We checked-in, took a short nap and still managed to get to the restaurant before breakfast ended.   
  
"So what exactly did Seth's dad say?" I asked, between bites of scrambled eggs.   
  
"He just said we should wait."  
  
"For how long, though? We've only been here for less than 2 hours and I'm already getting antsy."  
  
"Just relax," he said, lightly patting the hand I had on the table.   
  
"Easier said than done." Then I had a light bulb moment. " Ryan, you know how we agreed that Seth's probably fine...?" I asked, sitting up.  
  
He nodded. "Yes?"  
  
"You know what I was thinking? Something that could totally help?"  
  
"What?" He rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me - you want to search for Seth here."  
  
I smiled. "Exactly."  
  
"We don't even know if he came here."  
  
"True. He could have gone to another Island and Honolulu is quite huge but it couldn't hurt if we tried. Plus, it'll give us something to do, instead of just sitting and waiting."  
  
He thought about it for a moment and from the expression on his face, I could tell he warmed to the idea. It definitely beat staring into thin air. He stretched his hand out to me. "You've got your phone, right?"  
  
"Yep, but it's upstairs. And you know what else we can do? We can split and search different areas - that way we can cover more in less time."  
  
"That doesn't sound too good. I can't let..."  
  
"Ryan," I warned.  
  
"Let me finish. It makes no sense. How would I know where you've been?"  
  
"We can get a map and divide the town."  
  
He wasn't satisfied. "What if I find a clue? How would you know?"  
  
"You're right," I sighed, resting my back in my chair. "Your cell phone most likely won't work here because I bet you have some el cheapo plan."  
  
"Hey."  
  
"I'm just saying. I guess we better do it together."  
  
--------  
  
We tried to rent a car and just as expected, were told we were too young, even though we'd offered to get the most expensive insurance.  
  
"What do we do now?" I asked as we walked out of the office.  
  
He glanced at me and I could tell his little brain cells were moving. "I bet you I can get us a car."  
  
"You're not going to steal one," I teased. He responded with a bored expression. "Ryan, I just don't understand how you think you're going to be able to get us a car."  
  
He looked back into the office. "Just wait here," he instructed.   
  
I didn't say a word when he returned about 2 minutes later -all I could do was laugh.  
  
-----  
  
We ended up chartering a cab for the entire day and just drove around Honolulu stopping at different locations, showing Seth's photograph around and searching for any clues or evidence that he'd been in the city. We'd been driving around for about three hours, with no luck ,when we passed by a comic book store.  
  
"Stop!" I screamed at the cab driver.  
  
He screeched to a halt. "Miss, you need to give me advanced notice," he repeated for the umpteenth time.  
  
Ryan looked at me curiously. "What's it this time?"  
  
I pointed at the store. "Seth was there."  
  
He studied it. "How do you know?"  
  
"I feel it. I just know he was there."  
  
"Just because it's a comic book store?"  
  
"Ryan," I said, stepping out of the car. "This is the kind of place Seth would come to. Remember back in Newport how we used to go to Larry's on dates? Those were fun times," I smiled reminiscing. I'd always enjoyed an afternoon browsing comics with Seth.   
  
"Uhm, okay," he said, following me.  
  
I walked in first and approached the somewhat pretty sandy-haired girl behind the counter. "Hi, do you mind if we ask you a few questions?"  
  
She looked completely uninterested till Ryan stood by me. "I'd love to," she replied. She ignored me and instead, trained her eyes on him.  
  
"Have you, by any chance, seen the guy in this picture? We think he was in here recently," I said holding it out to her. She bypassed it and reached for the one in Ryan's hand. He gave her a picture he'd taken with Seth a few months earlier.  
  
"You were here with him?" she asked him.  
  
"No, just him."  
  
She smiled and held out the photo. "Which one?"   
  
I could guess what her game was and I wasn't having it. We'd come in to find Seth and not flirt. So, to move things along, I snatched it from her and folded it in half so she could only see Seth's image. I handed it back to her. "That one."  
  
She looked a little annoyed then shook her head. "I'm sorry, I haven't seen him. Have you been here before?" she asked Ryan. She produced another sleazy smile when he explained that he hadn't . "I didn't think so. There's no way I would have forgotten you."  
  
I rolled my eyes, took back the picture and walked out.   
  
"Does that always happen to you?" I asked when we were back in the cab.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Girls openly flirting like that? If we'd stayed any longer, I bet she'd have taken her top off and jiggled her boobies around."  
  
He chuckled. "I didn't even notice."  
  
"You've gotta be kidding - her legs were practically spread."  
  
He laughed again. "Does that bother you?"  
  
"No, of course not. It's a little annoying and I guess surprising. I never realized girls were like that with you."  
  
"Oh, why? Because of my big nose?"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?" I pinched his nose. "It's very cute. I mean, I thought most girls had more class than that. That was a little trampish. She saw you come in with me but she still had her ovaries out on display. What a slut!"  
  
-----  
  
We drove around the entire city and came up empty. On a whim, we decided to pay the cab driver off and just check the hotel that was about half a mile away from ours.  
  
The blonde lady looked at the photo then handed it to the brunette next to her. "He looks familiar, right?"  
  
My heart jumped. The brunette nodded then crooked her finger at the concierge. "Wasn't he here?" she asked, showing it to him.  
  
He peeked at it then shook his head vigorously. "Yes, he was."  
  
"Take another look. Are you sure?"  
  
He shrugged. "It looks like him."   
  
"Do you remember his name?" Ryan asked.  
  
He looked at him suspiciously. "No. But I try my best to forget all names once they've left. We have so many guests that I try not to store useless information."  
  
I nodded. "We understand. But you're saying he was here."  
  
"Yes. He was. At least, I think it was him. "   
  
That was much better than nothing. "When did he leave?" I continued.   
  
He thought about it. "He left yesterday."  
  
My tummy did flip flops. That meant we weren't too far behind.  
  
"Did he say where he was going?" Ryan asked.  
  
"No," he said, shaking his head so vigorously it was obvious he was lying.   
  
"Look, we are his friends. He left California a few weeks ago and his family has been looking for him."  
  
"Maybe he doesn't want to be found."  
  
"Listen, we need to find him. His life is in danger and we just want to protect him. He sailed on such a little boat that we are surprised he even made it this far," I chimed in, glancing at Ryan.  
  
Ryan shook his head vehemently. "Yes, it's dangerous."  
  
"See? He was lucky the first time around but it's still not safe. If anything happens to him, you won't be able to live knowing you could have done something to prevent it. So please, tell us where he went."   
  
He scrutinized us for a bit then gave in. "I don't know for sure. But he kept talking about Tahiti. I don't know for sure but he might have gone there."  
  
The front desk confirmed that a Seth Cohen had resided at their hotel for two nights and had checked-out the day before. He'd paid with travelers checks but they were not at liberty to disclose the credit card number he'd left for any outstanding bills.   
  
When we walked out of the hotel, I glanced at Ryan and could tell that we shared the same feelings. We felt optimistic but didn't want to say or feel anything till we were absolutely sure. But the news was great. There really couldn't be another Seth Cohen with dark hair and a skinny frame who was also obsessed with Tahiti, could there?   
  
I reached into my bag to call the Cohens but soon realized I'd left my phone at the hotel. Ryan agreed to pick up some dinner while I ran back to the hotel to call them.  
  
----  
  
My heart raced out of control when I realized I had one new message. I pressed the button to hear the message that could potentially change my life.  
  
"Hello, kids," Mr. Cohen's voice sang. "We drove down and just as hoped, it's not Seth. The watch didn't even look like his. Unfortunately, this means that another family has lost their son. Anyway, call us when you get this message. Are you in Hawaii yet? Make sure you call. We love you."  
  
I screamed. All the frustration, the fear, the anger, the pain all dissipated with those words. It had been a while since I'd felt such joy and relief. Not only did we now know that it wasn't Seth's body lying in that morgue, I was 100% sure that Seth wasn't hurt because he'd recently been in Honolulu. It felt amazing.   
  
Ryan walked into the room about ten minutes later. "Pizza's fine?" he asked, lifting the box.  
  
I nodded, hoping that my face was devoid of any emotion.   
  
"Hey, what's going on?".  
  
I handed him the phone. "Listen to the message."  
  
He was a little frightened. "What? Anna, tell me," he pleaded, taking it from me.   
  
"Just listen, alright?"  
  
He dropped the box on the table then hesitantly put the phone to his ear. I watched as his face went from one of apprehension to uncertainty and finally to plain elation.   
  
I started jumping around. "He's alive, he's alive!" I cried as I moved across the room. Ryan just watched and laughed. Then I leapt on him.  
  
We held on to one another and just kept laughing -Seth was alive! We were still chuckling when he put me down. But even when the smiles faded away, we kept staring into the other's eyes. I could already tell that the mood was changing and I felt my breath sharpen. There was just something in his eyes and as much as I tried, I couldn't make myself look away. Then he cupped my face and gave me a soft, long kiss. I didn't put my arms around him nor did his fingers leave my face. We just shared a kiss that was comprised mainly of lips - not much tongue, just lips moving on lips, then broke apart.   
  
I felt a little odd so I sat on the bed. "So what did you get us?" I said, moving on.  
  
He reached for the box and placed it next to me.  
  
"Stuffed crust pizza?" I laughed.  
  
He nodded. "Yes."  
  
"I thought you didn't like it."  
  
He grinned. "I lied."   
  
------  
  
The trip to Tahiti wasn't particularly interesting. Sandy had tried to convince us to return to Newport but this time around, Ryan was all for looking for Seth. I think learning that he'd been in Hawaii strengthened his resolve to find him - it no longer felt like a wild goose chase. We left the morning after we arrived in Honolulu and spent most of the time on deck searching for Seth. We knew that we were only a day apart so we figured that we'd eventually find him. The time we didn't spend behind binoculars was spent teaching Ryan to sail.   
  
Two days to arriving in Tahiti, we were downstairs watching _Jeopardy!_ We'd fallen into an upgraded version of our routine. We weren't making out or anything but just like we had at the beginning of the trip, we sat around playing video games or watching television except this time around, he'd sometimes put his arm around my shoulder, or we'd sit close together. I think having Seth's supposed near-death experience made us appreciate one another a little more. Personally, I didn't know if I was supposed to interpret the cuddles as friendly or much more. He hadn't attempted to kiss me since that evening in Honolulu so I didn't bother pretending we could be something more. Or at least, I tried my best not to.  
  
Alex Trebek asked another question and as usual, Ryan gave the wrong answer.  
  
"When are you going to accept that you suck?" I said, looking up at him. He'd refused to sit on the other couch so I'd been forced to put my head on his lap. I could have easily just sat up but I wanted to be comfortable.  
  
"I don--" His response was interrupted by a ringing phone. We immediately looked at one another. Since the phone had never rung, we knew it could only mean one thing - information on Seth. I was scared out of my wits and I could tell that Ryan wasn't particularly pleased with the situation. The plan was to find Seth so that everything could get back to normal. We hadn't anticipated receiving any nighttime calls while at the 'finding Seth' stage.   
  
"Go ahead, Ryan. Pick it up."  
  
"No, you pick up."  
  
"It's probably from the Cohens. You should pick up - they are your family."  
  
"But it's your phone," he said as we both reached for it. It had already rung four times and we didn't want the caller to give up. He got to it first and listened in.  
  
A minute later, he put it back down. "Seth's in Newport. And he's fine," he droned in a zombie-like voice.  
  
----  
  
For the second time in about five weeks I arrived at the John Wayne Airport. Sandy had insisted we return to California and I didn't put up much of a fight. The idea of sailing back to Newport, with Ryan in tow, seemed wrong. I knew he had many obligations back in Chino and I didn't want to keep him from them. Yet, the idea of sailing on my own just didn't feel right. All the pleasure I'd attained from sailing alone - the solace, the freedom, everything I'd initially cherished, paled in comparison to what I'd experienced sailing with him. But then again, the last two days we'd spent together had been a little off, to say the least. It was almost like we'd been jolted back into reality. Our little vacation in the Pacific had ended and real life awaited us. I became preoccupied with going back to Pittsburgh and trying to continue my life from where I'd left off and I imagine he was thinking about his new child and maybe, Marissa. Whatever it was, those two days were more than a little awkward. We tried to pretend that everything was back to normal but it so obviously wasn't. The smiles were far more strained and we were pretty much apart most of the time.   
  
We didn't speak much on the plane either so I opted to finally read the novel I'd brought with me. Unfortunately, Kit and Louisa decided to make out and that just made me think of us even more. I became obsessed with what getting back to Newport would mean for us. I still didn't even know what the status of our relationship was. Or if we even had one. I spent the entire plane ride dissecting every single moment we had shared and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to have all the characteristics of a summer fling. And that just depressed me.  
  
----  
  
"I'm guessing my parents are already here," I said, looking at my ringing phone. "What about you? Are Mr. and Mrs. Cohen picking you up?" We'd just come through Customs and as it was his first time on an international flight, he was pleasurably drinking in all the mundane procedures experienced travelers detested.  
  
"No. Seth said he'll come with Summer and Marissa."  
  
"Oh," was all I could say. Again I wondered about Marissa. Was she coming as a friend or more? As much as I wanted to, I didn't dare ask because I didn't want to seem particularly interested, or worse, desperate. If Ryan Atwood was going to dismiss what we had as a fling, I could certainly handle it. It's not like it would break my heart or anything. I hoped.  
  
I soon spotted his little gang of waiting friends.   
  
I pointed them out to him. He waved to get their attention.  
  
"I guess I'll be seeing you," I said, looking for my parents.   
  
He spun around, his forehead wrinkled. "Where are you going?"  
  
"I'm going to find my parents."  
  
"Anna, what the hell? Don't you want to see Seth? You should stop by for a minute, after all, he's the reason we're here. Come on, let's go," he said, taking my hand and dragging me with him.   
  
As usual, Summer was looking gorgeous in a spaghetti-strapped sundress and very girly sandals, as was Marissa who was also seasonably-clad. Other than looking a little tired, she too looked beautiful. I couldn't help but wonder if her fatigue had been caused by her boyfriend's absence.   
  
Summer sprinted to cover the distance between us. I was surprised that she'd missed Ryan that much when she shocked the hell out of me and jumped on me instead.   
  
"Anna, I'm so glad to see you," she shrieked, holding on to me tightly. Seth and Marissa walked to us.  
  
"Wow, Summer. Talk about a great welcome."  
  
I glimpsed at Seth and saw that he was sharing a warm hug with Ryan.  
  
Marissa waved at me. I smiled back. We hadn't really been friends and I hadn't even seen her on my first return trip to California.  
  
Summer released me around the same time Seth and Ryan broke apart. Then Ryan moved along the line and hugged Marissa.  
  
I glared at Seth but he smiled back. I'd already made plans to kick his ass the minute I saw him but I couldn't help cracking a smile as I stared at the goofy mock-expression of shame that was plastered on his cute face.  
  
He stretched his hands out to me. "Come on, come to Papa. You know you want to."  
  
I was about to when, from the corner of my eye, I saw Ryan plant one on Marissa. Not in the we-are-so-cool-we-kiss-on-the-lips kind of way, that hipsters kissed their friends. No, not that way. But in the Angelina/Billy-Bob-we-are-so-in-love kind of nasty way. Except worse. 


	15. Chapter 15

As usual, I own nothing.  
  
A/N: I'm sorry. This was supposed to be the last chapter, but my freaking Windows crashed, and I ended up losing all my files, so I had to rewrite… anyway, think of Chapter 16 as an epilogue. As usual, I am grateful for all your feedback. Thanks for your kind words.  
  
A/N 2: If anyone is still confused, you don't need a passport for Hawaii but you certainly need one for Tahiti.   
  
------  
  
Anna POV  
  
I immediately turned my face away from them, gave Seth a quick hug and turned around. What the fuck? Ryan Atwood was so not the guy I thought he was.   
  
I couldn't have walked for more than a minute when someone took hold of my hand. I didn't have to turn around to know it was him - I'd become so pathetic that I could even recognize his touch.  
  
"Anna, wait! Where are you going?" he asked as I tried to shake his hand off me. He let go of it, then walked around to block my way.  
  
"Ryan, I need to find my parents," I gritted, looking around him.  
  
"Anna, you're just going to leave like that? I thought I could talk to you for a minute, just before you left..." he said quietly.  
  
"You must be kidding me, right?" I asked incredulously. He really couldn't be that dense, could he?  
  
"What?"  
  
"What do you want to talk to me about? You want to thank me for helping you and Marissa get back together?"  
  
"What? I thought you saw…"  
  
"Yes, asshole, I fucking saw you. I am sick and tired of being the girl the helps guys love their girlfriends even more. What the fuck do you guys eat in that house? I guess I should be receiving a call from Mr. Cohen the next time he gets in a fight with his wife."  
  
He looked slightly amused but my deathly stare wiped that look off his stupid face.   
  
I tried to walk past him but whenever I moved, he did the same and refused to let me get past him.  
  
"What the fuck is your problem? I need to leave already; I bet my parents are waiting for me."  
  
He put his hands on my shoulders. "Anna, you must know that I'm not back with Marissa."  
  
I violently shrugged them off. "Dude, I just saw you kissing her… oh, let me guess, that was your goodbye kiss."  
  
"No, she kissed me. I didn't kiss her. I was as shocked as you - that's why I pushed her away."  
  
"Yeah?" I reached into my bag, took out my passport, opened it up to a page then held it up to him. " Can you read this? I wasn't born yesterday."   
  
He looked disappointed but I didn't care - what did he expect? I gave him what I hoped was a defiant look and when he didn't move, I looked around the room, found my dad's chauffeur and waved at the older man. Then I looked at Ryan and warned, "Just leave me alone. I'm sick of you people - I need to get back to Pittsburgh where everything makes sense."  
  
The words were barely off my lips when he pulled me by my elbows and took control of my lips in one swift suction. I tried to resist, boy did I try, but I couldn't and instead, found myself parting my lips and letting him in. I couldn't even believe it - I was so weak that I was not only letting the bastard kiss me but was responding like a stupid fool. When we finally separated, I picked up the bag that had slipped out of my fingers and walked away.  
  
---  
  
Summer handed me a bottle of orange juice. "So you're really leaving?" she asked, looking crestfallen.  
  
I nodded. I was touched. I'd always liked her but it turned out that even though I didn't actually find Seth, she'd felt comforted by the regular emails I'd sent her over the course of the trip.  
  
"And you and Seth, you still haven't forgiven him?"  
  
"We are doing the whole 'friends' thing but it's just a matter of time..."  
  
"Before you forgive him?" I completed.  
  
"Pretty much. You know something I've been wondering?" she asked. She shut the Cohens' fridge and sat across from me.  
  
"What?"  
  
"How is it that you and Ryan were hooking up and you never once mentioned it to me?"  
  
I gave her that laugh nervous people give when they are trying to mask their true feelings. "Who says we hooked up?"  
  
"The whole airport, duh. And it was even hot and stuff."  
  
I laughed. "It was nothing."  
  
She stifled a fake yawn. "Please, you so like him."  
  
"No. We're just friends - if that."  
  
"Yeah, right," she scoffed. She really wasn't buying it. "Are you trying to tell me that you normally kiss guys you don't have any feelings for?"  
  
I made a big show of thinking about it. "Well..., I've kissed Seth, many, many, _many_ times and I don't have feelings for him."  
  
She glowered at me. "You're such a bitch, Anna Stern."  
  
"I learned from the best," I laughed, bowing slightly at her.  
  
We were still laughing when I noticed that she was looking behind me. I'd almost turned around when I sensed someone.  
  
"Guess who?" he whispered. As if I'd have to guess. Waking up for two mornings in a row without smelling that distinct mix of him and Irish Spring felt really strange. And not in a good way.  
  
"Orlando Bloom?" I asked Summer. She rolled her eyes and suddenly found the table top interesting.  
  
I spun around. "So what's up?"  
  
"Hey, so I was just wondering... What you are doing today?" he asked, his face revealing uncertainty. I was glad he understood that the kiss meant nothing - the body doesn't always do what the mind asks.   
  
"Why?" I asked, looking away.   
  
"I just wanted to hang out."  
  
I didn't like what hanging out with Ryan had done to my psyche. "Yeah? Well I'm busy."  
  
"Oh… I heard you were going back to Pittsburgh…"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So let's hang out before you leave. How about tomorrow afternoon?"  
  
"She's free," Summer screamed from behind me. I turned around and shot her the most evil look I could muster but she looked so glum it must have taken her a lot of energy to not stick her tongue out at me.   
  
"Tomorrow's fine then?" he asked, looking directly into my eyes. God I hate those eyes. I nodded reluctantly. "Cool. How about I pick you up around noon?"  
  
I shrugged. "Whatever." I turned back to my juice.   
  
He hung around and, after exchanging a few words with Summer, walked back out.  
  
The second he did, Summer started giggling. "You're so funny - you totally want him."  
  
I gulped down my juice. "Yeah right."  
  
"God, how I wish there was a camera on that boat. I need details because something obviously happened."  
  
"Shut up."   
  
She kept laughing. "I don't think I've ever seen you like this before - not even when you were trying to steal my boyfriend." When I remained quiet she said, "you know he didn't kiss her, right?"  
  
I looked up. "What?"  
  
"She kissed him, but he wasn't into it. He pushed her off him… see, she's my best friend and I love her but sometimes, she just doesn't get it." She'd begun to play with her nails.   
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Like, Ryan only called her once while you guys were on the boat and he even emailed me more times than he emailed her."  
  
"Interesting." I wondered why he never felt the need to tell me this.   
  
"Yeah. And before he left, he told her that it was over and stuff so I don't get why she did that. I guess she was hoping he'd changed his mind or something but she could have figured that out from the way he looked at her. But as I said, she just doesn't get it."  
  
----   
  
Ryan POV.   
  
"So where are we going?" she asked, shortly after she slid onto the passenger seat. The irritating frown only served to make her look beautiful in that untouchable way. Which sucked because I very much watched to touch her. She was wearing a loose dress that didn't accentuate the sexy curves that I'd felt and seen so many times before. And the fact they were hidden only made me think of them more. Which wasn't good because I was supposed to concentrate on the road.

"Ryan, are you going to tell me where we are going?"  
  
"Oh... sorry. Yeah. Do you remember I promised to show you around Chino?"  
  
She looked bored. "Really?" She didn't even bother looking at me.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She reached down and turned the radio on. I wondered how long she was going to keep that act up. I was mad at myself for backing off her for the later part of our trip but I'd done it because I wasn't sure that it could have translated over to real life. But now I knew and felt like such a fool for ever doubting my feelings. I didn't like the way not speaking to her for two days felt.  
  
I lowered the volume. "You still don't believe me about the kiss?"  
  
She glanced at me. "Oh, I believe you."  
  
That was good to hear. "Great - 'cos it's true. What made you change your mind?"  
  
"Summer told me."  
  
Fuck. She only believed me because Summer had confirmed my story? I wanted to ask her what I'd ever done to make her distrust me but I just couldn't get the words out.  
  
"So this tour of Chino…?" she started.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You don't have better things to do today?"  
  
"I decided to make time for it. Is that fine by you?" I sighed. I hoped she wasn't planning on doing her best to not enjoy the afternoon.  
  
"Sure." I guess I must have said something interesting because she perked up. "So what's first on the itinerary?"  
  
"I want you to meet my brother."  
  
She was surprised. "He's out?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Ryan, you're taking me to a prison?"  
  
I laughed. "Kinda, but we won't be indoors or anything… it's not maximum security. It's not like we'll be speaking through a phone or anything."  
  
She giggled. "Damn. That would have been so cool. There'd have been some glass separating us then we could touch each other through it like they do in all those movies. "   
  
I smiled. That's the Anna I know.

---  
  
Trey sat on the bench. I was glad that he was looking healthy and well fed. It always amazed me that most people I knew got bigger behind bars. I introduced Anna to him.  
  
"Wow, you've changed. When did you cut your hair?"  
  
Anna was confused. She looked at me. "Huh?"  
  
I frowned at my stupid brother. "This is Anna, not Marissa."  
  
He laughed then slapped the side of my arm affectionately. "I should have known - you're an Atwood."  
  
"Trey… don't… " I didn't even know what to say -I couldn't believe that he was being so tactless.  
  
Instead of feeling insulted, Anna found it entertaining. "Ryan, let him say what he wants. I bet he's just excited because it's been a while since he's seen a girl." She leaned into him and whispered conspiratorially, "I bet your jailhouse girlfriend has an adam's apple. True or false?   
  
He guffawed. "Hey, little brother, I like this one."  
  
-----  
  
By the time we left my brother, we'd reverted to our sailing days. She made comments as I showed her my old school, my old house and a bunch of other key locations in my town and I was pleased that she didn't once scrunch her nose or act snobbish. Not that I was surprised or anything - I didn't expect anything less from her. After we shared a late lunch with Theresa, I drove her home.  
  
Just as she put her hand on the door handle, I commented, "so, you're really leaving?"  
  
She nodded. "Yep. On Friday - two days after tomorrow," she said, looking up and mentally calculating it.   
  
The empty feeling that had slowly been creeping on me was taking over my body. I wanted to somehow tell her to stay but all I could say was, "But I feel bad."  
  
She looked at me strangely. "Why?"  
  
"Remember our deal? I was supposed to teach you to make coffee." Goodness, why am I such a wimp? Why couldn't I just tell her that I wanted her to stay because I didn't want to have to miss her?  
  
She smiled sadly. "You can send me a recipe."  
  
"But it's not the same," I protested.   
  
"Thanks but I'll find a way to manage," she said opening the door.  
  
"But you could stay a little longer and you wouldn't have to manage because you'd have learned -from me, no less. "  
  
"Ryan, I already have my ticket and everything. If I don't go, the ticket will go to waste - my parents are already spending money on shipping a boat that was supposed to be sailed back."  
  
I nodded. "Six to eight weeks huh?"  
  
"Yeah. And it had better be in one piece -my father loves that thing," she said, stepping out of the car. I got out as well.  
  
I watched as she walked on the driveway. I wanted to tell her that I'd never met a girl like her or felt how I did when I was with her. I wanted to tell her that I found myself reaching across my bed, hoping that she's there. I wanted to tell her that from being with her, I'd discovered a side I hadn't even imagined existed but all I could say was, "It was nice hanging out with you today."  
  
Wordlessly, she turned around, smiled appreciatively, then walked into her house. 


	16. Chapter 15 and a half

I own zilch.  
  
A/N: I apologize for the 18092013 different author alerts. I happen to be a very impatient and easily frustrated person. Fanfic.net decided to act up and I, in turn, became a raging lunatic. Please accept my apology.   
  
-------  
  
Ryan POV  
  
I pushed the door in to see Seth sprawled over his bed pushing numbers on a calculator and writing in a pad.  
  
"Hey, what's up?" I asked, walking in and sitting at his desk chair.  
  
"Dude," he said, glancing up at me, "I'm calculating how many hours I have to work to pay off what I owe Dad."  
  
"And how many?"  
  
"Somewhere around the 380 hour mark - and that's without counting taxes." He sagged his shoulders and let his head droop. "I'm going to be paying this off till my kids graduate from college."  
  
I chuckled. "Serves you right for spending two weeks in Hawaii and changing hotels. If you'd stayed put, we would have found you and you'd only have to work 80 hours."  
  
"Whatever, men," he said, throwing the notepad on the floor. "Hawaii's beautiful - I had to explore it. Would I have been able to go to Maui if I'd stayed in Honolulu?"  
  
"Alright then... stop complaining."  
  
"I'm not, it was worth it." He sat up. "Anyway, have you got all that stuff sorted out?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah, I start next week."  
  
"Cool," he said, satisfied. "Now you just have one more thing to sort out then."  
  
"What?" I asked, feigning ignorance. I picked up a pen from his table and started playing with it.  
  
"This Anna leaving thing," he replied, matter-of-factly.  
  
It had been all I could think of for two days and I hadn't come any closer to a solution. "Dude, I told you. I asked if she could stay and she said no. What more can I do?"  
  
He hissed. "For someone who's supposed to have all this experience," he said, crooking his fingers for emphasis, "you sure as hell know nothing about women."  
  
"What are you talking about?" I asked, a little too excitedly. I couldn't believe that my desperation had reached the point of actually looking to Seth for advice.   
  
"Bro, you've gotta do something big; something to let her know how you really feel."  
  
"She knows how I feel." She had to.   
  
"You're sure? You've told her explicitly, "Anna, I like you and I want you to stay?""  
  
"Not in so many words but yeah."  
  
"If you didn't say it in as many words, which I suspect by your standards might be no words at all, I'll take that as a 'no.' When it comes to love --"  
  
"Wait… wait… love? " I interrupted, trying my best not to choke. "I didn't say all that. I just said I don't want her to leave."  
  
"Whatever. The point is, you have to do something big."  
  
"I don't do 'big'." I started rocking back and forth on the back legs of the chair.   
  
He rolled his eyes. "Too bad, 'cos it's time to. Tsk tsk," he hissed, wagging his finger. "Let me school you on the ways of the world."  
  
"Uhn-hun… should I be scared?"  
  
"No, you should be glad - be ready to learn a lot. When you love someone -"  
  
"Seth," I cautioned.   
  
"When you whatever-you-want-to-call-it someone, you've gotta do it big. It's gotta be memorable. It's gotta be in slow-motion with everyone waiting in baited breath to see what's going to happen next. You've got to climb on a coffee cart and tell her how you feel. You've got to run to the airport and stop her from leaving --"  
  
"You want me to run to the airport and stop her from leaving?"  
  
He nodded. "Sure, why not?"  
  
"If I recall, it didn't work for you." And I wasn't in the mood to get rejected more than I'd already been.  
  
"That was different. Besides, you're missing the point."  
  
"Oh, there's a point?"  
  
"Of course there's a point. Hell, yeah, there's a point. Would I be saying all this if there wasn't a point?"  
  
"Can you get to it?"  
  
"The point is, you've got to be prepared to be an idiot - a jackass. You've got to be ready to humiliate yourself, to be embarrassed, you've got to be ready to sacrifice your pride to let her know how you feel. You've got to be ready to have everyone think you're a moron."  
  
"In a nutshell, I have to be you."  
  
He raised his hand as if to give thanks to the heavens. "Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner."  
  
-----  
  
"O.K, so fine, I do it big but what do I say?" I asked Seth. We were in the game room playing videogames. I knew he was a little surprised at how good I'd gotten but surfing the web also came with access to numerous websites with links to a few 'tips' I'd perfected playing with Anna. Not that I shared that bit of information with him.  
  
"There are two ways to do this," he said, not taking his eyes from the screen.  
  
"Which are?"  
  
He refused to respond because he was too busy devoting all his energy to the game. I paused it.  
  
"Hey, so not fair! I was just about to kick your ass," he complained.  
  
"Well, you can do that in a minute."  
  
He put down his controller. "What were you saying?"  
  
"What are the two ways?"  
  
"You can be either be Hannibal Lector or Zoolander."  
  
"What?"  
  
He sighed as if I'd asked the dumbest question in the history of the world. "Hannibal Lector is the obsessive guy that plans every single move."  
  
"Okay…?"  
  
"And Zoolander kind of flies by the seat of his pants… actually, that's not true. I'll say that's more of Ben Stiller - _There's something about Mary_, _Meet the Parents_, the aforementioned _Zoolander,_ you kinda get the feeling that all his movies are just improv, you know?"  
  
I groaned. "So basically, you are saying that I should practice or just say what I feel."  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
"And why didn't you just say that?" I asked dryly.  
  
He shrugged. "Bro, you know this about me."   
  
I bent my head dejectedly. "This sucks. So I have to do something big and either plan out a speech or not."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Shit." I should have known better than to seek advice from him - I wasn't any closer to a solution.  
  
He slapped my shoulders sympathetically. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. As far it's not, "I wanna hang out with you," or whatever crap you said to her the last time, you'll do great ."   
  
------  
  
I re-read the 12th draft of my speech when the traffic light turned red two blocks from Anna's house. I was still making sure I'd memorized it all when I pressed her doorbell. A teenage boy opened the door.   
  
"Is Anna home?" I asked.  
  
He frowned at me like I was a moron then pointed behind me. I turned around and saw her leaning against a car with a lollypop in her mouth.   
  
"Hey, what's up?" I called as I approached her.   
  
She shrugged her nude shoulders. She was wearing a strapless top with a pair of snug pants and I just wanted to touch her golden skin.   
  
She pulled the candy from her mouth and introduced me to a red-head I'd seen on campus a couple of times.   
  
"What's going on?" she asked. "We must have screamed your name a hundred times."  
  
"Sorry.. Are you guys busy?" I just wanted to get it over and done with so that I could learn my fate.  
  
"No, I was just about to leave," Sophie grinned, starting her car. "Anna, I'll call you tonight," she said before she drove off. I could have sworn I saw her wink.  
  
"So, what's up?" Anna asked before she stuck her lollypop back into her mouth.  
  
I was glad she seemed normal, like she didn't mind that I'd come without calling - I wanted to side-step any excuses she might have made. "I just wanted to talk to you."  
  
"About?"  
  
"Would you walk with me?"  
  
She looked anxiously at her door then agreed.  
  
"So, how's it going?" I asked as we walked in step.   
  
"Fine," she replied through the side of her mouth then put on a pair of sunglasses. It was quite warm but I would have preferred to be able to read her eyes.   
  
"Are you packed and everything?"  
  
"Yes. Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?" she asked, pushing her hair behind her ears.   
  
I suddenly got nervous. My neck felt itchy so I scratched it. Then I stopped walking to clear my mind and run through my speech one last time. But the more I thought about it, the cornier it sounded, so I trashed it and chose to go with option two and just wing it. I figured it would sound more natural anyway. At least I hoped it would.  
  
"I'm getting kind of scared Ryan. Are you sick or something?" She asked, narrowing her eyes. She took her glasses off and threw her candy stick in a neighbor's trash.  
  
Her concern made me feel a little better. I smiled apprehensively. "No, it's nothing like that. It's about us."  
  
"There's an 'us'?" she asked, looking away from me.   
  
"Of course there's an 'us'.  
  
She started walking again. "Okay, so what about us?"  
  
"We are getting old."  
  
She stopped and leaned on her foot. "What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"This thing we do, you and me, is getting old."  
  
"Are you speaking in English?" She looked around the street as if she was searching for someone to explain things to her.   
  
I exhaled and took the plunge. "I am talking about this thing we do -skirting around each other, is old. I kiss you, or you kiss me then we don't talk. It's old. You know I like you and I think…"  
  
"Whoa, you like me? Since when?"  
  
Hello? "Come on, Anna, you had to know. I'm sure I showed you many times. I'm sure…"  
  
"Na dude. I'm a girl. You can't just show me. You have to tell me."  
  
"I told you," I protested.   
  
"No, dude, not really. I once asked you about Marissa and you got all weird. And showing is not enough. I'm a girl. Girls fixate about things. We analyze every single gesture, every single move and till you tell us, we never actually know."  
  
I felt a welcome sensation in my chest. It seemed like we were finally getting somewhere. "I see. So what are you saying? That you analyzed everything I did?"   
  
"Ryan, I was speaking in general terms," she tried to be evasive but it was too late.   
  
"No, I am asking you: I really like you, do you like me?" I figured I might as well be direct.  
  
"God, Ryan, this is so bloody corny. Nobody speaks like this anymore. I feel like I'm in an 80's movie and you're about to ask me to go steady with you or something. "  
  
I grinned. "Well, not quite, but kinda."  
  
She laughed. "This is interesting," she remarked, looking skywards.   
  
"So what do you think?"  
  
"About?"  
  
"Anna, I realize that you can talk in circles with the best of them, but let's set things straight." Did it have to be so difficult?   
  
She turned pink. "Ryan, I've learned that being direct with guys can backfire," she said in a quiet voice.   
  
"Are you talking about Seth?"  
  
"Well, you did tell me to go after him," she accused.   
  
"I did? I didn't." Then I remembered the conversation we'd had at the fair. "Oh, shit, I did, didn't I?"  
  
Amused, she nodded. "Remember where that got me?"  
  
"It's different this time, though."  
  
"How so?"  
  
" Cos, it's me and I'm not thinking about anybody else."  
  
With that, she turned around and kissed me. But only briefly. Then she started walking.   
  
Pleased that things looked like they were finally working out and that I'd spend days worrying about nothing, I caught up with her, took her hand and just said the one thing I'd been too chicken to tell her. " Anna, I really don't want you to leave."  
  
"You don't?" she said, smiling up at me.  
  
"No." I said with all the certainty I could manage.   
  
Still smiling, she averted her eyes. I wondered what was going through that mind of hers.  
  
"So what do you say? Are you still going to Pittsburgh tomorrow?"  
  
She nodded slowly.  
  
Shit. "Damn, maybe I should have gone with Seth's idea," I thought aloud.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
I reckoned that I might as well tell her since I had nothing to lose. "Seth had this idea that I had to do something 'big.' Like renting an ice-cream truck and announcing to the whole town that I wanted you to stay."  
  
She grimaced. "Eww… I would have been mortified - thanks for not doing that."  
  
In silence, we started walking again but had to wait for a car to pass before we could cross the street. "I guess I'll have to deal with calling you in Pittsburgh," I commented, giving her a sidelong glance.  
  
"Yeah, I would like that," she replied thoughtfully. "Although I'd even like it better if you called my parents' house on Sunday."  
  
That stopped me in my tracks. "Sorry, I'm not following you."   
  
About two steps ahead of me, she spun around and said, "I am going to Pittsburgh because my cousin is getting married. I'll be back on Sunday."  
  
"What? You're coming back to California?"  
  
"Yes," she replied with the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.   
  
Before I knew it, we were holding on to one another, kissing. My arms were still wrapped around her when I moved my head back and looked into her eyes. "You're coming back?" She replied in the affirmative. Still in shock, I moved in and tasted her strawberry flavored lips again. "And you're kissing me back and not walking away."  
  
I could literally see her eyes dance. "It would seem that way," she said then kissed me one more time.  
  
When we separated, she slipped her hand into mine and we tried that walking thing one more time.   
  
"And you're coming back to Harbor High?"  
  
"I don't know. My parents are forcing me to spend the summer here - I guess they missed me or something. We haven't discussed the school year yet."  
  
I chose to ignore the last sentence. "This whole time, you've known you were coming back?" I asked in disbelief.   
  
"I've known for a few days."  
  
"You knew when we went to Chino?" She admitted she did."Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"You never asked the right question… Well, I guess Chino isn't too far," she said, her mind going in a different direction.   
  
"It's not, besides, I'll be here quite a bit."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I'll be working at the Crab Shack. My replacement was quite useless so Charles pretty much begged me to come back, with a raise and all. I figure in this economy, it's easier than trying to find a job back home. I'll be commuting a bit, but I'll also be spending a few nights here."  
  
"Wow. That's pretty unbelievable. I should be scared -everything's been tied up neatly with a little bow," she commented.  
  
Well, not quite. We still had the baby to contend with, her moving back to Pittsburgh when school started, or even where I'd live in the fall, but right then, everything felt pretty damn great.  
  
I put my arms around her shoulders while she slipped hers around my waist.  
  
"So what do we do now?" she asked.  
  
"How about you take me to that comic book store you love so much?"  
  
"Ryan Atwood," she purred, making my name sound sexier than it deserved to, " you want to go to a comic book store?"   
  
"Hmm… not really."  
  
"I didn't think so. How about we go play some pool instead?"  
  
I smiled. It was going to be a great summer.   
  
.  
  
.  
  
** THE END.**  
  
---  
  
A/N: Thanks for your great reviews. I really enjoyed writing this story.


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